So yesterday evening I get a knock on my door and its Addicted my neighbour from downstairs. Now I secretly call him addicted coz he is addicted to weed, women and loud reggae music (I'm not sure in which order they come but he has been known to experience all his three pleasures simultaneously, that's how addicted he is. Anyway addicted lands on my doorstep wanting to do some borrowing or two.
Apparently he is entertaining (i bet you all know what that means) he offered his special guest some tea and when he went to look into the cupboard he realised F*%$k his run out of teabags and the corner shops are all closed so would i be kind enough to lend him a tea bag or two (in case she drinks like an elephant and asks for another cuppa or two) In my head I'm thinking WTF n*gga have you been smoking too much weed, what kind of a knock knock joke is this sh*t, me and this n*gga aren't even on talking terms even though we do listen to the same radio(his loud ass reggae music) ? But dude is dead serious, so I'm like why didn't you jus say u've run out? and he gives me this look as if to say 'are you for real, and lose out on the opportunity to get laid, hell I would rather embarrass myself by asking a random neighbor for teabags than miss out on potentially great sex'.
I spend a few minutes ramaging in my kitchen cupboard (i drink coffee and herbal teas only) and I manage to find exactly 12 teabags left. I'm doing a mental calculation of how many teabags can I give him without seeming stingy, as I am debating whether 3/4 or 7 is ideal, Addicted is shouting from the doorway, 'oh please can you hurry up coz she will wonder where I've gone to'. I am thinking this is plan ridiculous and just give him all the 12 tea bags. So now i am teabag less. the boy has the cheek to promise to pay me back, as if i will be knocking on his door anytime soon asking for my 12 teabags back...........maybe i ought to and ask for a drop of cooking oil whilst im at it lol
So I was telling my friend today what happened and we started talking about some of the most bizarre/ outrageous things we have ever been asked to lend or we have borrowed in the past she proceeded to tell me that when she was at university she used to borrow her best friends vibrator and just put a condom on top of it. somebody say ewwww ewwww ewwwwww ewwww on my behalf please!!!!!!! My point was its dirty, unhygienic, and just proper disgusting, her argument is that she washed the vibrator before and then put a condom on it, which is just the same as sleeping with a guy who has slept with someone else, but even better as she can not get HIV from it. I get her point but that's just taking borrowing to a whole new level.....can somebody say ewwwwww ewwww ewwwww again!!!!!!
So what are some of the crazy things you have been asked to lend or you have borrowed in the past.......please don't say a vibrator or teabags lol.
5 years ago