Damn,I woke up with the mother of all hangovers, it was like a terrible untalented loud ass rock band was practising in my head. The 21st birthday party was on Christmas eve, technically I went, but i didn't attend (confusing I know, but that's a story for another day). I stayed up all night waiting for Santa with my bottles of Asti (note the plural) and got sloshed, I mean stone drunk. Its a good thing my two 'audiences' were asleep.
I ended up doing what I always do when I'm drunk........ (which I'm not going to tell you coz you would probably kill me (for throwing my sanity outta the window in an 'i know I'm going to regret this in the morning but what the heck' kind of way)trust me I'm equally mortified, but do i regret it?....Not yet (coz I'm still not clear what actually happened). Which is why I think i need to stop drinking c.o.m.p.l.e.t.e.l.y coz clearly even having a drink once every six months is not working. So i decided to take an 'are you an alcaholic quiz lol' all i will say is "interesting results" will probably post my answers up when i get writers block.
Now that confession time is over, can I make an announcement to all those who buy;
a)knitwear,
b)cheap ass beauty stuff like bath salts, lotions, gels, which are more likely than not to give you rashes and pimples,
c)anything out of the pound shop or anything that looks as if is from the pound shop
d) food in isolation(this includes chocolates, sweets, fruit baskets)
e) outdated electrical stuff such as a play station 1, cameras that still take film, video players etc
f) anything else that ought to make this list but I didn't think about
when it comes to buying Christmas presents...newsflash... "its not only the thought that counts!!!"
My secret Santa at work bought me a cheap ass prezzie I think Santa went to pound-land, i am so disgruntled, I put so much effort in what i bought, I'm glad Santa was anonymous otherwise ....lets just say this would have been his last winter lol yeah am that pissed off about it!!!!!!!!. Personally (i don't know about any one else) I would rather have an expensive Balenciaga bag (Santa hint hint) which has been totally bought on the spur of the moment without any real 'thought' than two plastic plates that have been bought after careful consideration.... that's just me unfortunately I'm shallow like that.
My aunt wins a mini hoover at a Christmas party, so she phones me up and asks if i would like a hoover for my car, so me not being able to pass on freebies was like 'yes please', she says 'cool that is what is your Christmas prezzie,' at this point i do a double take, I will be damned if i accept a mini vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I wait the whole year for Santa only for him to come thru my chimney trudging a hoover? WTF!!!!! I said 'eeerrrr no thanks I will be honoured if thy shalt not give me thy hoover for Christmas,' so she's promised me something else, but she huffed and puffed (in a harmless way lol) that I, like Scrooge lacked a bit of Christmas spirit coz its the thought that counts. I mean don't give me all that bull about the thought counting (absolutely no thought what so ever went into this, she won it in a lucky dip remember), so what if that particular one was expensive, a hoover is always a hoover, damn even my mama still gets lingerie for Christmas lol.
Some people should just know when to shut the F up!!!!. Take my boss for instance, on Wednesday we happened to meet in the corridor just as I'm about to enter into the 'ladies/ lavatory/ the bathroom/ the toilet/ the powder room/ the washroom (delete as appropriate depending in which country you are in lol). Anyway he says 'do you have a minute?' (now what kind of question is that to ask someone standing at the door of a lavatory?) so I'm like 'not really, give me a minute' (coz i needed to 'go' I have one of the weakest bladders on planet earth) but he says 'oh this will only be a minute,' so i say 'sure'(and he rattles on and on about a case I'm currently working on) and this point im crossing my legs (coz its THATS bad) but he doesn't stop, I'm tryna interrupt but the fool keeps talking, so i put my hand on the door handle thinking he would get the hint but does he stop? No, the minute he said he was going to take becomes five, ten or 3 hours (according to my bladder anyway), so i open the main door into the ladies and kinda put one foot in (so that he could pointedly see that i now had to go) but he drones on and on, he just has no clue (the same goes for his managerial skills) and this point I'm just about to pee in my pants, so i say look i will speak to you later okay, and he has the nerve to say I'm nearly done jus gimme a second, i just make a dash for the nearest cubicle and even as i closed the door i heard him yell something else which sounded like 'Do you want me to leave the file on your desk so you can check the scro paperwork before we shut down for Christmas?' I'm like, wtf does this fool expect to carry on with this conversation whilst I'm peeing too????
On a totally random but randy note, am watching this movie where they are making Johnny upstairs seem like an amateur ....I s.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y need air, its not easy trying to be celibate, 'if true love waits' then true love needs to get its behind here asap lol. Most of the times I'm kinda into 'not getting any' but on nights like this......sweet Jesus....its just temptation, temptation, temptation. So Santa if you are reading this please hurry up with those giant ear muffs AND true love...in fact if you are going to deliver the true love in time for this Christmas season you might as well forget those giant ear muffs cause i plan to give Johnny and his girl upstairs a ride for their money coz they sure ain't the only ones with vocal chords lol.
Im not the mushy type but to all my blogville family, happy holidays and a big thank you for keeping me sane even when my world felt like a sanitorium. Love you all.......thats enough mushiness, lemme get back to my movie.........
5 years ago