I nearly had a multiple orgasm whilst standing in line to get free noodles and rice crackers at the newly opened Shimla Pink (Chinese restaurant) just down my street. No i wasn't having sex with some random stranger in the queue jus to pass the time, it was because I Miss Definitely Maybe saw my very first Bugatti Veyron in the flesh, I mean on the road kind of in the flesh and not in some swanky showroom, car show or front pages of Motoring Today. I swear my knees buckled, my stomach did funny little flips and i felt waves of pleasure, that was my first money induced orgasm there and then.
I have never been aggressive when it comes to man hunting, but i nearly whipped off my panties, pushed up my boobs and swore under my breath 'n*gga if you so much as look my way I'm soooooooo gonna do you tonight'......and I was gonna...do him..... like my life depended on it. I haven't been laid in a loooong time and what better way to bring my sexy back than at the back seat of an £800 000 motor f*cking a man who is probably worth 100 times the cost of the said motor. I mean I ain't no gold digga (if my dating record is anything to go by) in fact I love my broke brothers but hey 1998 Honda Accord versus 2007 Bugatti Veyron that's definitely a no brain-er, never mind that said owner of both Bugatti and restaurant was a 40 something, probably midlife crisis undergoing, pot belled dude(he looked like he was hiding more noodles under his sweater than they were giving free at the counter)......I was still going to do him.
So there i was standing in queue, revising my game plan, no longer salivating at the prospect of free noodles and prawn crackers but the chance to tattoo my bottom on those heated leather seats, having hot steamy sex against some classical music background (rich people listen to such nonsense right???), when some skinny bitch appears out of nowhere. Don't get me wrong I have nothing but respect for them skinny bitches, I mean anyone who can live on a diet of Evian water, lettuce leaves and oxygen deserves nothing but respect. I used to think my game was tight, I mean I'm a healthy UK size 10/12 (emphasis on healthy) who has tried all fad diets under the sun to become a slightly skeletal more defined cheekbones and slightly protruding ribcage size 8 and failed miserably so you can understand what i mean when I say i have nothing but respect for those size zero skinny bitches.
Anyway so said skinny bitch walks right up to the door spends 3 or 6 minutes chit chatting with pot belled dude, about the restaurant/free noodles (as if she has ever in her 30 or so years passed a calorie of carbohydrates between those size zero lips of hers), then said skinny bitch brazenly asks to see the motor and before you could say 'hot steamy sex with size zero skinny bitch' pot belled dude was giving his stack of promotional leaflets and instructions to lock up to a probably Honda 1997 driving minion and leading said skinny bitch to the front passenger heated leather seats, and zooming off into the sunset with classical music probably playing in the background. Okay it was 2pm on a cold and frosty afternoon so that sunset was probably a figment of my imagination but damn those skinny bitches sure got game, and she didn't have to whip off her panties, suck in her stomach or push up her boobs, that's why I have nothing but respect for those size zero, Evian water drinking, lettuce nibbling, oxygen sucking skinny bitches.
5 years ago