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MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

This is not a knock knock joke .........

So yesterday evening I get a knock on my door and its Addicted my neighbour from downstairs. Now I secretly call him addicted coz he is addicted to weed, women and loud reggae music (I'm not sure in which order they come but he has been known to experience all his three pleasures simultaneously, that's how addicted he is. Anyway addicted lands on my doorstep wanting to do some borrowing or two.

Apparently he is entertaining (i bet you all know what that means) he offered his special guest some tea and when he went to look into the cupboard he realised F*%$k his run out of teabags and the corner shops are all closed so would i be kind enough to lend him a tea bag or two (in case she drinks like an elephant and asks for another cuppa or two) In my head I'm thinking WTF n*gga have you been smoking too much weed, what kind of a knock knock joke is this sh*t, me and this n*gga aren't even on talking terms even though we do listen to the same radio(his loud ass reggae music) ? But dude is dead serious, so I'm like why didn't you jus say u've run out? and he gives me this look as if to say 'are you for real, and lose out on the opportunity to get laid, hell I would rather embarrass myself by asking a random neighbor for teabags than miss out on potentially great sex'.

I spend a few minutes ramaging in my kitchen cupboard (i drink coffee and herbal teas only) and I manage to find exactly 12 teabags left. I'm doing a mental calculation of how many teabags can I give him without seeming stingy, as I am debating whether 3/4 or 7 is ideal, Addicted is shouting from the doorway, 'oh please can you hurry up coz she will wonder where I've gone to'. I am thinking this is plan ridiculous and just give him all the 12 tea bags. So now i am teabag less. the boy has the cheek to promise to pay me back, as if i will be knocking on his door anytime soon asking for my 12 teabags back...........maybe i ought to and ask for a drop of cooking oil whilst im at it lol

So I was telling my friend today what happened and we started talking about some of the most bizarre/ outrageous things we have ever been asked to lend or we have borrowed in the past she proceeded to tell me that when she was at university she used to borrow her best friends vibrator and just put a condom on top of it. somebody say ewwww ewwww ewwwwww ewwww on my behalf please!!!!!!! My point was its dirty, unhygienic, and just proper disgusting, her argument is that she washed the vibrator before and then put a condom on it, which is just the same as sleeping with a guy who has slept with someone else, but even better as she can not get HIV from it. I get her point but that's just taking borrowing to a whole new level.....can somebody say ewwwwww ewwww ewwwww again!!!!!!

So what are some of the crazy things you have been asked to lend or you have borrowed in the past.......please don't say a vibrator or teabags lol.

54 comments:

Ms Sula said...

A vibrator? Really? WoW!!! I don't share like that. :)

I have never lived in a place where people were comfortable enough with each other to just borrow like that (except back home of course)...

I think I'm still puzzled at the Vibrator thing, I can't think :)

Lolia said...

Omidaiz....are you kidding? Ewwww please! Eeeeeeeewwwww @ the vibrator borrowing...

Meanwhile baby boy is a classic example of the kind of neighbor I hate...ahn what is it?

Oh well, what would life be without interesting stories to tell? :)

Lolia said...

Omidaiz....are you kidding? Ewwww please! Eeeeeeeewwwww @ the vibrator borrowing...

Meanwhile baby boy is a classic example of the kind of neighbor I hate...ahn what is it?

Oh well, what would life be without interesting stories to tell? :)

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Ms Sula, neither do I live in a place where you are expected to borrow anything from your nieghbours but Addicted is the only other black person in our apartment block so maybe he thought.....who am i kidding dont know WTF was going thru that boys head when he landed on my doorstep.

Lolia, am still going ewwwwwww but then someone else i asked (white british friend) said yeah aint nothing wrong so maybe its my strong african background lol

Tigeress said...

Borrowing vibrators?!!! WTF!!! that is the nastiest shii ever. What next? Borrowing of knickers? EEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

So how far with ur neightbour- did he ever buy u teabags back?

Nefertiti said...

What????!!!! LMAO! Borrow him some teabags? Dude don lost his damn mind, or he smoked the remnants of his grey matter away. Where's he from? I bet from some remote village.

And EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW to the power of infinity at the vibrator chic. There are no words for how disgusting that is. But then again, just like she said, it's almost the same as sleeping with a guy who's slept with someone else. But still EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Temite said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW @ the vibrator tingy. That is seriously disgusting! Yuck!
So like I ummm dont really see anything wrong with the tea guy na. Sheybi he just needed some tea ni. And you are afterall the only other Negroid in his block. You no wan block da brothas game o. (SLMBAO)

Funms-the rebirth said...

thou shalt not stand in addicted's way of getting laid

big ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww on borrowing vibrator! how dirty is that????????? things people do for orgasm!!!!!!!!
a friend once told me her neighbour asked to borrow a pair of panties, he didnt care whether it was new or old for a babe that he brought home........ highly disgusting!

K said...

I would say I am speechless about the whole lending of a vibrator but I just dont have the right words...wow!!!

As for lending my neighbour from upstairs once asked if he could use my toilet as his was occupied by his brother and he really wanted to use the toilet....ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... needless to say I lied and I said I couldnt because I was currently having a bath...even though I was fully dressed..lol

mizchif said...

OMG, i'm laffing so hard. Borrow vibrator ke? oma ga o! But really, when u look at her explanation, it does kinda make sense, buh still....me i will start by blaming her friend for giving her sef. I won't hesitate to show u where i bought it so u can buy ya own!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

A vibrator?! Oh HELL NA! You were nice giving weed head your tea bags!lol
Anyways, the weirdest thing some one has ever asked to borrow is my underwear. Ofcourse, I said no!

~Sirius~ said...

Ewwwwwwww! Ewwwwww! Ewwwwww!
to the borrowed V, EWWWW!

What's up with addicted???

Borrowed, washed, condom wearing Vibra ewwwwww! eww! eww! ewww!

I feel like things are crawling all over me, ewww!

doll said...

Lol…..d vibrator thingy seems weird while the tea bag is hilarious…LMAO…I cant think of any personal experience to match that…but I used to steal borrow novels in secondary (without permission of course) to read during log vacation…say bout 10 per term (but I always returned) except the owner transferred schools or something

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Tigeress, not yet lol, but i hope he doesnt think it gives him license to come borrow nything else!!

Nefertiti, not some remote village, dude was born and bred in Blighty.

Temite, i aint blockin shiiiiii if dude knows teabags get him laid then he ought to buy them by the bucketfuls lol (guess im hatin a lil bit

Funms, nah dude is not going to get laid at my expense especially since i aint getting any!!

Kookie, LMAO at being fully dressed but seriously some nieghbours want to take the piss (well literally in his case)

Mizchief, im seriously thinking she was stealing the thing without her friends knowledge. what right minded person would lend u something like that?

NigereanDRamaQueen, underwear? ewwwwww especially womens underwear, what was she going to do? put a panty liner on it?????
~Sirius~ im saying ewwwwww as well, but i guess each to his own

Doll, that aint no borrowing, thats downright stealing lol

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
geisha.song. said...

like you said, and like alot of people hav, EWWWWWWWW!!!!!
why? was she that horny? lol. men. that is deep!
and the person who lent it to her sef - very generous!
jeez.

Shubby Doo said...

That is SO WRONG on so many levels…I don’t NOT care how hygienic she thinks it is…that is like using someone else’s toothbrush…sorry to be crude but I wouldn’t have been as disgusted if her friend had participated in the act but borrowing a vibrator…how cheap can you get?

p.s
glad to know you’re showing neighbourly love…you do know he now has an excuse to come back…perhaps to woo u! hahahahaha

ShonaVixen said...

I was stalking this blog late last nite and now you went and updated...MDM wassup boo?thought we had a deal??
Hmmm that Vibrator thing...talk of desperate times calling for desperate measure...

I once had my ex's friend come to my place in the wee hours of the morning telling me he'd been in the neighbourhood and he just couldnt find any shop open but he needed to get some and would i have condoms for him...it was a state of emergency according to him...i was finding it funny...i gave him 6 and this dude had the cheek to say ' Err, i really wouldnt want to do it in the car, can we use one of your spare bedrooms?'...hmmm this guy now wanted to 'borrow' my room...i flat out said NO and locked my door...talk of giving him an inch and wanting to take a mile...mchew...from then on, he'd always give me attitude and i really never cared!!

doll said...

 @ Shona vixen are u for real…I wouldn’t have said no…I would have given him a dirty slap…is he crazy? Is ur house a brothel??? Wat rubbish!!!!

Invisible said...

OMG. mega super extra eeeeewwwwwww. what???

ShonaVixen said...

@ Doll - yeah this na true story...as if me giving him those condoms wasnt enuff!! Imagine the idiot even opening his mouth and forming such words....i proper shut the door in his face!!

~Sirius~ said...

LMAO @ Shona....
Imagine you give them a cup and the ask for a drum!!!

doll said...

thats my gurl. LOL

Aphrodite said...

Wow...
Borrowing a vibrator?

I think that's like borrowing someone else's undies.

Heck! Even worse cos this goes into you.

You gave him the whole 12 bags! That was really generous. I would have given him only one. Meanie, yes,lol...

Aphrodite said...

@shona,lol...

Shubby Doo said...

@shonavixen - LMAO... you go girl! still asking 4 more after you'd parted with the condoms...what?!!!... the economy of being stupid...what a pillock...

@Miss DM - why do i think you'll have a post soon...simply titled...'love thy neighbour'...LMAO

Laughter said...

Borrowing a vibrator?
Is that notlike borrowing someone else's under wear o. Na wa o.

But babes, you are so generous o, you gave him 12. He would soon come back knocking for sugar o. I wish you were my neighbour. I might come borrowing jollof rice too.

clnmike said...

There is nothing I can say that will top the borrowed vibrator, NOTHING!!

miz-cynic said...

na wa o.cnt tnk of any weird thn i hv borrowed or lent.@shona-na in get in face na make in dey scowl.wt rubish.cn i hv sex in ur room?

miz-cynic said...

na wa o.cnt tnk of any weird thn i hv borrowed or lent.@shona-na in get in face na make in dey scowl.wt rubish.cn i hv sex in ur room?

CurvyGurl said...

Dang, this tops it...a vibrator? Ewww!

princesa said...

Now i cant remember something crazy i have borrowed but i recall when i was a school, i had a neighbour that came knocking once to borrow soup,lol!

exschoolnerd said...

Vibrator ke!

na so the thing dey do am!!!

u sef u carry 12 give am..lol

princesa na only u dem fit come borrow soup from..lol...i go slap dt person..borrow soup ko!

rayo said...

she did not! uggh, double ugggh...

Judy D. said...

wow that is gross... but yr girl has a valid point... lol

craziest thing i ever borrowed, hmmmm
i dunno, maybe someones duane reade card...

i know that suxs

[$ H A R O N A] said...

SCREAM.

BORROWING SOMEONE ELSES VAJAYJAY STICK?
*dead*

-$

NaijaBabe said...

soooo ewwwww

Buttercup said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Addicted must have been high at that point or somn..lol @ u givin him all 12 teabags, u must have been mighty irritated..lol!

rethots said...

World peace.....

flabby said...

looooooool!!! hahaha..this is hilarious!! vibrator?? *leaves her computer screen so she can go and laugh on the floor*

Just...Toluwa said...

oh just gross!

I went to naija, and i had bought a couple of new sturvs for myself, and my friend was rumaging thru my stuff, saw a new pair of underwear, and asked to use it and then return it.
Gross, i asked her to just take it instead. WTF! Why wld i wanna wear it again, i guess it cld av been a tactic to get it for herself anyways!

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Ok That's just nasty to borrow a vibrator!

Im made at your neighbor even though last night I asked one of my neighbors (which I rarely talk to) if they had some jumper cables.

I can't think of anything bizzare right now. Maybe I'll come back with something!

Zena said...

i cudn't even think of a response after that...My savior,vibrator ke?eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

azuka said...

Why do I have to say 'Lol' every time I drop by? Lol.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

ShubbyDoo, ha ha ha that would be like from the pot into the frying pan!!! Me and Addictive? hell to the no. Having said that 'My addictive Neighbour' doesnt seem like such a bad post title lol.

Geisha, I totally agree

Shona, i would have to be more than just desperate, you would ned to be pointing a gun to my head before i could even think about it.

Invisible, true that

~Sirius~, hey the guy was just trying his luck

Aphrodite, you are downright mean!!!

Shona, you sex blocker, dont hate the player........

Laughter, jollof rice?? LMAO, thats taking the piss.

clnmike, hey in her defence she did put a condom on it.

mz cynic, lucky you

curvygurl, am with you on that one

princesa, soup?? you should have poured it right ontop of her head.

exschoolnerd, totally agree, soup??? wtf?

rayo, downright disgusting isnt it?

Judy D, dot know why people are freaking out when we sleep with guys who have slept with others girls before.

$haron}, I couldnt have said it better

Naijababe, hey dont vomit all over my blog lol

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Just Toluwa, my friend and your friend need to get together and then they can do all the borrowing and lending they like

Buttercup, the dude is high ALL the time lol

rethots, world peace ??????

Flabby, it wasnt you was it??

Youngblackbeautiful, did they agree to lend you the jumpers?

Zena, I was speechless too when she said it.

Azuka, you can lol when you feel like coz i always take the lol's as compliments.

Funms-the rebirth said...

i came here to aacuse u of having not blogged in like forever but its not that long........ i just miss ur presence.......

Olamild said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw
Super ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

ibiluv said...

vibrator.....no ...hell no

my room...i've loaned and loaned out mine......*wink*

.some people are plain crazy....they can borrow ur air

UndaCovaSista said...

ewwww ewwww ewwwwww ewwww......................

OluwaDee said...

ewwwwww ewwww ewwwww!

deola said...

Glad to be here.

Bombchell said...

girl u so crazy. him getting laid depended on teabags?/ lol I was thinking, uym when did teabag become a euphemism for condoms. lol

with his crazy ass screaming i would have given him or 2 max! 3 the highest part of niceness and in the spirit of xmas.

better walk on ova there, and ask for the rest of the tea, cuz he's sipping it, and ur tealess lol.

eww ive had a friend offer me hers (barf) I obviously rejected ewww gross.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Funms, I miss you too babes, i think its cause i havent updated my link to your new blog. This update is for you.

Bombchell, lol they were really tea bags he asked for. I should march right over and get my tea bags back lol

Deola, Im glad you were here too!!

Oluwadee, Undercovasista and Olamid, super ewwwwwwww for sure

ibiluv, girl stop pimping out your room to pay your fees lol jus tripping