CLICK HERE FOR THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES »

MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Morning After, the Night Before .........

Damn,I woke up with the mother of all hangovers, it was like a terrible untalented loud ass rock band was practising in my head. The 21st birthday party was on Christmas eve, technically I went, but i didn't attend (confusing I know, but that's a story for another day). I stayed up all night waiting for Santa with my bottles of Asti (note the plural) and got sloshed, I mean stone drunk. Its a good thing my two 'audiences' were asleep.

I ended up doing what I always do when I'm drunk........ (which I'm not going to tell you coz you would probably kill me (for throwing my sanity outta the window in an 'i know I'm going to regret this in the morning but what the heck' kind of way)trust me I'm equally mortified, but do i regret it?....Not yet (coz I'm still not clear what actually happened). Which is why I think i need to stop drinking c.o.m.p.l.e.t.e.l.y coz clearly even having a drink once every six months is not working. So i decided to take an 'are you an alcaholic quiz lol' all i will say is "interesting results" will probably post my answers up when i get writers block.

Now that confession time is over, can I make an announcement to all those who buy;
a)knitwear,
b)cheap ass beauty stuff like bath salts, lotions, gels, which are more likely than not to give you rashes and pimples,
c)anything out of the pound shop or anything that looks as if is from the pound shop
d) food in isolation(this includes chocolates, sweets, fruit baskets)
e) outdated electrical stuff such as a play station 1, cameras that still take film, video players etc
f) anything else that ought to make this list but I didn't think about
when it comes to buying Christmas presents...newsflash... "its not only the thought that counts!!!"

My secret Santa at work bought me a cheap ass prezzie I think Santa went to pound-land, i am so disgruntled, I put so much effort in what i bought, I'm glad Santa was anonymous otherwise ....lets just say this would have been his last winter lol yeah am that pissed off about it!!!!!!!!. Personally (i don't know about any one else) I would rather have an expensive Balenciaga bag (Santa hint hint) which has been totally bought on the spur of the moment without any real 'thought' than two plastic plates that have been bought after careful consideration.... that's just me unfortunately I'm shallow like that.

My aunt wins a mini hoover at a Christmas party, so she phones me up and asks if i would like a hoover for my car, so me not being able to pass on freebies was like 'yes please', she says 'cool that is what is your Christmas prezzie,' at this point i do a double take, I will be damned if i accept a mini vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I wait the whole year for Santa only for him to come thru my chimney trudging a hoover? WTF!!!!! I said 'eeerrrr no thanks I will be honoured if thy shalt not give me thy hoover for Christmas,' so she's promised me something else, but she huffed and puffed (in a harmless way lol) that I, like Scrooge lacked a bit of Christmas spirit coz its the thought that counts. I mean don't give me all that bull about the thought counting (absolutely no thought what so ever went into this, she won it in a lucky dip remember), so what if that particular one was expensive, a hoover is always a hoover, damn even my mama still gets lingerie for Christmas lol.

Some people should just know when to shut the F up!!!!. Take my boss for instance, on Wednesday we happened to meet in the corridor just as I'm about to enter into the 'ladies/ lavatory/ the bathroom/ the toilet/ the powder room/ the washroom (delete as appropriate depending in which country you are in lol). Anyway he says 'do you have a minute?' (now what kind of question is that to ask someone standing at the door of a lavatory?) so I'm like 'not really, give me a minute' (coz i needed to 'go' I have one of the weakest bladders on planet earth) but he says 'oh this will only be a minute,' so i say 'sure'(and he rattles on and on about a case I'm currently working on) and this point im crossing my legs (coz its THATS bad) but he doesn't stop, I'm tryna interrupt but the fool keeps talking, so i put my hand on the door handle thinking he would get the hint but does he stop? No, the minute he said he was going to take becomes five, ten or 3 hours (according to my bladder anyway), so i open the main door into the ladies and kinda put one foot in (so that he could pointedly see that i now had to go) but he drones on and on, he just has no clue (the same goes for his managerial skills) and this point I'm just about to pee in my pants, so i say look i will speak to you later okay, and he has the nerve to say I'm nearly done jus gimme a second, i just make a dash for the nearest cubicle and even as i closed the door i heard him yell something else which sounded like 'Do you want me to leave the file on your desk so you can check the scro paperwork before we shut down for Christmas?' I'm like, wtf does this fool expect to carry on with this conversation whilst I'm peeing too????

On a totally random but randy note, am watching this movie where they are making Johnny upstairs seem like an amateur ....I s.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y need air, its not easy trying to be celibate, 'if true love waits' then true love needs to get its behind here asap lol. Most of the times I'm kinda into 'not getting any' but on nights like this......sweet Jesus....its just temptation, temptation, temptation. So Santa if you are reading this please hurry up with those giant ear muffs AND true love...in fact if you are going to deliver the true love in time for this Christmas season you might as well forget those giant ear muffs cause i plan to give Johnny and his girl upstairs a ride for their money coz they sure ain't the only ones with vocal chords lol.

Im not the mushy type but to all my blogville family, happy holidays and a big thank you for keeping me sane even when my world felt like a sanitorium. Love you all.......thats enough mushiness, lemme get back to my movie.........

36 comments:

mizchif said...

Ok, i just had to come and shout
Fiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrssssttttttttt!

mizchif said...

Ok, so u know dat wasn't really a confession rite.

Personally i stay away from wine, cuz wine gets me slushed easily. I just stick to self medicating with vodka, really helps me sleep better.

Merry christmas urself, hope santa delivers on all counts, specially the balenciaga!

ShonaVixen said...

Merry Xmas hon...sorryy abt the hangover..lol...hope Santa gets u all that u want...my secret Santa got me some lousy bath stuff, i was so so ticked off and i have a clue who it is, they're so gonna get it come appraisal time..lol..this yr Santa has been good to me

Temite said...

Merry Christmas Dear! Sorry about the presents. Errr drinking is so musch fun! Vodka helps calm my uulcer pain. And Tequila especially soothes my vertigo induced migraine.
Santa berra hurry with that true love.

Funms-the rebirth said...

what did u do on ur drunk night??????????? spill jo....... Merry Christmas... Santa,pls deliver the balenciaga bag asap and that true love, he's on his way luv......
bad pressies? i need to do a huge post on that!

~Sirius~ said...

Sorry about your Mad ass Hangover, I hope you can redeemed yourself of your drunken moments...lol (it couldn't have been that bad, could it?)

As for presents LMAO!!!!!!so the thought counts for a Balenciaga bag and not a lucky dip Hoover? LOL
so you get to choose where the thoughts will be counted....nice.

You should have peed in your boss's office, I wonder if he would have gotten the message even after that.

Merry Christmas Hon, and you better snap out of temptation's zone, Santa is on his way!

clnmike said...

Hope you had a good holiday, have a good weekend.

Uzezi said...

Merry Christmas. have a good year and do make sure u give the proper confession in ur next post

NigerianDramaQueen said...

So funny,
I'm having a morning after experience myself...although i wasnt really drunk. gosh, im not collected enough to leave a proper comment. ill be back.

Invisible said...

bottles with an s??? hmm hmmm. hi, my name is mdm and I'm a part time alcoholic. lol.

I think santa was robbed during a traffic jam trying to deliver gifts to kids at oju elegba (oops, no offense to anyone o). go talk to cupid instead for true love.

lmao @ your boss.

aloted said...

that ur boss is not alright o!

come and confess!!! ;o)

rethots said...

Funny enough, 'tis actually the 'thot' that counts. Only these days, we are so very lazy we put no efforts into the 'thot'.
The 'thot' is often interpreted to mean, expensive; i daresay no, it means effort.
Forwarded 'mails', 'text messages' are simply 'thot-less', pardon my bluntness (but, no apologies).

A simple 'merry christmas' text message means much more than a rambling composition of forwarded text messages.

I love your boss. Next time he asks, you got a minute? Say sure....enter the ladies. Only make sure you spend only a minute.

Just...Toluwa said...

hmm...boooze bag! lol!

Jarrai said...

Merry xmas gurl...and happy new year. Drink plenty and be merry!!!xxx

Riri said...

LOL!At your boss!!
Omg i know exactly how you feel about the christmas present thing!
and Merry Christmas to you too!

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Mizchif, lol yeah I know but i will probably beat around the bush for another 2/3 or forever posts, the confession is that bad.

Shona, santa was good to me too. Blame Boots and Superdrug for those lousy baths sets.

Temite, girl you just an alcaholic, the sooner you type 'nearest alcaholic anon support group' into your route planner the better.

Funms, thanks for putting in a good word for me to Claus, but judging by my behaviour on that drunken wednesday, i should expect nothing for the next two or 3 christmases.

~Sirius~, girl it was THAT bad, santa seems to like taking his time, as 4 my boss i bet he would have kept on talking even if i had peed on his floor.

Clnmike, the holiday is great save for the drunken escapade, happy holidays to you too.

Uzezi, happy holidays dear, unfortunately im not going to sing a 'this is my confessions' like Usher coz a) my singing voice is horrible and b)confessions always end badly

NigereanDramaQueen, girl you just made my day, glad to know im not the only alcaholic running amock on blogville

Confessions of a London gal said...

Lol! I know a thing about weak bladders AND stupid managers that dont know when to shut up!
How was ur xmas? had fun?

geisha.song. said...

lol at your boss.. talk about toilet talk! hehehe
but come oh, what did you do drunk? we want to know oh!!!!
hope you had a great Christmas.

Laughter said...

Merry Xmas babes, good to know you had fun, abeg softly dey drink oooooooooo, don't want you going to AA o my dear. it is such a shame that nobody puts an effort into getting gifts for pple these days, they mostly spend money am sure on gifts sold at 90% off, that one am sure, hopefully something good will come soon... I have never had an hang over so dunno what it feels like.... but i feel for you now..... I wonder what you did!!! my thots are running riot o MDM, abeg spill the beans with me now my love.. wink wink...
Have a lovely new year darl....

miz-cynic said...

siste.pls take it easy on the king o and me i'm still waiting for the gist. and me i hate the taste of alcohol

dessex said...

I hate hangovers that's why I can't drink clear liquor. But the night before is always fun LOL

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Im mad at the mini hoover, but you never know when they may come in hand. LOL!

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Im mad at the mini hoover, but you never know when they may come in hand. LOL!

Buttercup said...

now u've really piqued my curiosity!

hahaha it does suck to get somn below what u expected..sowee!

ur boss is just plain ridiculous!

happy holidays to u too!

Mz. Dee said...

lMAO!!!!!!!!! this is like THE MOST HILARIOUS post ive read in a long time!!!!!!!!!!

i rilly missed this blog o... damn!!!!!

Happy new year o!

Omo calabar. said...

Lol. ur manager has issues. Looks like u gonna have t join AA, lol. Anyways have a blessed new year.

~Sirius~ said...

Happy new year Sweetie!

Bombchell said...

lol girl the world doesnt feel like a sanitarium i hear its one, that most people are in some type of pill, lol should be.

girl I dont think i can hope for a Baliencaga bag, with the kind of guys ive met in the past, that would a 50% improvement. lol but yet I have faith in getting an LV travelling bag this yr. aby months ok lol.

HAPPY NEW YR! and u need to say what u did drunk lol

Parakeet said...

Hahahaha...talk about cheap ass gifts but really I still believe its the thots that count o. Have a fantastic year ahead.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Happy New Year my sista. May your bladder become strong like (fill in the blank) this 2009. =)

OluwaDee said...

Happy new year deariee.

MissLove said...

happy new yr...xx

'Yar Mama said...

Happy New Year!!!

Jarrai said...

Happy new year xx

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Invisible, if i keep at this any longer I will become a full time alcaholic lol

Aloted, yes he is!!

Rethots, i hate those forwarded messages with a passion

Just Toluwa, you got that right but its more of a drum than a bag

Jarrai, thanks babe will definitely guzzle more wine on your behalf

Riri, some christmas presents are VERY insulting

Confessions of a LG, my christmas was fun filled with quite idiotic moments as well

geisha, trust me you dont want to know

Laughter, Happy New Year Sweets, missed you, where have you been hiding? and did you make up your mind about that guy?

MzCynic i have laid off the alcahol completely otherwise i would be left with no reputation to tarnish

Dessex, LOL some elements of the night before are best left forgotten.....unfortunately this is the era of mobile phones with cameras

YoungBlackBeauty, me too I was WTF??? since when did santa start working at Dyson.

Mz Dee, girl missed you like crazy where have you been? Its good to see you back,

Buttercup, it sucks especially if you could have bought 10 times what they gave you with the money u used to buy what u gave them.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Omo Calabar, a psychologist could write an entire doctrate(thesis) on my manager and his antics.

Sirius, Happy New year to you too babes

Parakeet, the thought only counts if its got a decent price tag attached to it and please dont tell me you are the one who gave me the two plastic tumblers lol

Bombschell, LOL guess im sane in a crazy world, which still makes me crazy for being sane when others are being crazy lol

Solomonsydelle, lol i need a strong bladder so that i can stop having to do a 'dance' if all the loos are occupied and i have to wait

Jarrai, Happy New Year to you sweets

Miss Love, Hope you had a great holiday season and are sooo ready to make things happen in 2009

Oluwadee,Happy New Year to you too, are you and Rabbi planning to have a little Rabbiwadee this year lol

Yar Mama, thanks same to you, hope 2009 brings all your hearts desires