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MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Runaway Chicken (and other misdemeanours)

Those of you who ever lived or actually still live in Africa will be able to understand this analogy. Remember how back in the day (don't know if its still the practice) you could buy a live chicken and take it home to kill, skin and cook? remember sometimes how after looking forward to the whole 'we are going to eat chicken huha' the damn animal smells death and does a runner and those members of the household unfortunate enough to still be called kids would have to chase the damn animal across the yard until you eventually catch it or until your intended dinner escapes from the yard never to be seen again?........I wonder sometimes whether calling a coward 'chicken' was solely derived from such incidents.

To cut a boring story short, I chickened out, I dilly dallied so long making a decision that in the end there was no decision to be made. I realised that if you have to 'think' so long about being with someone no matter how loving or adorable they were, then you have no business being with them in the first instance. So I took the easy way out and did the runaway chicken on him, I feel guilty, he feels hurt he says he thought i was coming round. I have been hurt before so I try by all means to avoid hurting any other human being cause I know how it feels, so as much as the thought of being with him was an attractive prospect I don't love him, I need to totally and completely be free from any baggage from my previous relationship before i can even think of being in another relationship.


He looked at me for 10 solid minutes, ten minutes sitting opposite me not saying a word just looking at me and then he got up kissed me on the forehead and left closing the front door gently behind him but i felt as if he had banged it shut. So much was said in those 10 mins of silence then we could have said in ten minutes of conversation.So I'm officially the runaway coward a chicken. I guess as much as you cant help who you love, neither can you help who you don't love.

To those who were awaiting with bated breaths photos of the new boudoir you can now breath out. the stupid bed broke, well part of the head board that is, and no I wasn't getting down and dirty with anybody, funny thing was I was bouncing up and down the thing, you know just testing it out just in case well, what the hell I was just testing to see how strong it would be under pressure. Next thing I know the the thing snaps crack and one half of the thing lands on the floor, mschwwwwww that bed was my pride and enjoy, so I'm having to dismantle it and take it back to the damn shop, am so infuriated will have to face the humiliation of the staff looking at me with knowing eyes like they soooooo know what i did last night, If only they knew.

I went to a fortune teller a few weeks ago, actually I stumbled across her quite by accident. She had quite a few things to say to me, some ridiculous, some incredibly accurate, some bizarre and some ........and some that are best left undisclosed, will definitely blog about it sometime.

I'm not in the habit of wearing 'lucky knickers' or lucky pants, but when you have been so unfortunate in love you tend to think that actually that might not be such a bad idea after all. Picture this hot sunny day, I stop at the traffic light, car purrs up on my left, decent Audi TT drop top, 2006 registration, heart stopping eye candy of a hunk at the wheel, he smiles at me and winks suggestively I smile back, he blows me a kiss, i think that's silly I laugh, I start playing within my hair (a sure sign that I'm probably interested, I pray for the traffic light to remain red just for a bit longer, he indicates that i should follow his car, and as he points to the left, horror of horror the hunk has on a wedding ring, I'm indignant, traffic lights turn green, he zooms off, I'm left wanting to follow him so that I can give him a piece of my mind...I decide against it, serves me right for flirting with random pervs at traffic lights, note to self, next time at the lights look straight ahead !!!!!!!!!

41 comments:

Funms said...

im first!!!!!!!1

Funms said...

i guess u made the right decision........ thats not chickening out. if u keep over thinking things, guess its not meant to work out

Tigeress said...

Funms- i'll let u have that. i dash u.

Tigeress said...

lol! Married men- they are bloody everywhere now. i reckon the need to be shipped off to another planet with short guys.

bumight said...

kpele. there will be others.

lol @ ur traffic light experience!

Temite said...

You made the best choice for you. Please dont feel bad. Think of it this way, you may have just saved him and yourself a whole lot of heartbreak. LMAO at the traffic light guy, you know what, What if he was divorced and he was just not ready to take off the wedding ring as of yet and because he met you he decided that it is time. What if his wife had just died 3 months ago and he is just getting used to the idea of another woman in his life, what if, what if....What is its a promise ring to himself to stay celibate until marriage (hehehehe). What if...The point is that, I would have followed him, talked to him to find out the truth and either get a date or give him a piece of my mind about his lying cheating stupid, low self esteemed bombastic idiot self!

~Sirius~ said...

Hey, If you are not ready, then you are not ready, no need to rush things girl.
My only fear is you hanging on to your baggage a little bit longer than you should. Life ahead can only get better sweetie.
As for Married man at the traffic light- like Tigeress said, they are everywhere!!!!, Mchew!!!! Guys! such a necessary evil. At least you didnt waste your time on him.

~Sirius~ said...

PS: I remember the chicken chase very well! why was eating chicken such a big deal, Tsk! I thank God for my generation.

Laughter said...

Aww remembered the chicken chase back then, the poor chicken running away from little legs trying to catch them, aww those days.

Babes, I totally understand and believe in the healing process and leaving the luggage’s and baggage’s behind but I also believe in the phrase that you should not close your eyes and let good things pass (obviously good thing here means a correct, head screwed properly, honest, no cheating, responsible, loving and caring, breadwinner and a focused man).
I applaud you also for letting him go as many people would not do that and I respect you for this, when you are ready and the time is right. The right one will come, at least you sound like you are on the road to recovery and for that babes I respect you.

And for all these married men, they really need to be shipped off somewhere and these their wandering eyes also to be nailed down, the cheek of them sometimes is total appalling. Maybe you should have given him the finger self, yeye man.

miz-cynic said...

temite....u be my person jare. me sef i must follow o.....they say curiosity killed the cat., make i kuku knw say na eye candy i follow go....u know me i be alaigboro

rethots said...

"...if you have to 'think' so long about being with someone...u have no business being with them...."

My 'mailless' blogger, you have just done it again.

...being 'nice' is not a criteria for being with someone (who isn't nice anyway).

rethots said...

@ Temite, follow me........

aloted said...

hmm...you need to be ready mentally, emotionally and spiritually for love so pls just take ur time...pele

fortune teller ke...hmmm

some married men sha! nawa

poeticallytinted said...

lol. Your bed collapsed? LOL. okay i'll stop.

Reminds me of when i dislocated my shoulder (BECAUSE MY MATTRESS WAS BAD) everyone in my office had one sly remark or the other and a knowing grin to go with it...

flabby said...

its totally true..u cant help who u dnt love..lol..with the chicken analogy!

Shubby Doo said...

you didn't chicken out...u just stood still...trust me one day you will take that step forward...don't let the past cripple you hun...it means he who must not be named is hurting you again by stopping you reaching out for your future...never 4 who you are...that person is meant to happy

when it's time to move forward you will...(plenty of alcohol helps.. a lot...lol)

LMAO @ the bed that broke...hahahahha...i'm rolling on the floor...

clnmike said...

Hell, if your not ready your not ready.

Better nip it in the bud than at the alter.

ShonaVixen said...

how the hell?!?i mean i was stalking this blog last nite n all...no no no ...ok lemme go and read

ShonaVixen said...

hey hon, you aint no cluck, cluck you actually are the courageous one, you knew you didnt feel right being with him and told the truth!Way to go gurl and yup no flirting wiv weirdos at the traffic lights ne??..lol...

MissLove said...

u r not a chicken :( at least u did the right thing...U were genuine and I think humans really dont like the truth...'truth hurts'...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Funms, why oh why are you first? You are putting me to shame for neglecting your blog and my blog rounds.

Tigeress, hey not all short guys...they come in handy if you are a short chic, which I'm not by the way.

Bumight, if you know where the 'others' are hiding please tell them to hurry along!!!!!!

Temite, LOL @your explanations but why would anyone think of dating jus 3 months after the wifey has passed away? lol next time i will follow and get an explanation.

~Sirius~, you are right I need to dust off all the baggage, but i jus thought it would be unfair to get into a relationship when im not ready emotionally.

Laughter, full of wisdom as usual...i promise net time something good crosses my path, I'm going to hang on for dear life. phew at least I'm not the only one who has done the chicken chase.

Mz Cynic, aaah go where? curiosity killed the cat, for your own safety at the traffic lights look straight ahead lol

Rethots, lol okay I get it, net time i visit your blog i will definitely leave my real email address.

Aloted, yeah fortune teller, she had some interesting things to say to me

talesandtallies said...

fortune teller... wow!lol.dts pretty cool o. i can imagine the look on evrione's faces wen u take the bed back. it's like "oh no", u've been gettin some action wen infact u've bin gettin nada!

am helpin u cuss out that traffic man... he is crazy, nonsense married man will jst be flirtin about.hiss

Tigeress said...

Miss DM- dont mind me jare. them guys are the ones that have given me the worst attitude. :)

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

you can't regret following your heart and head, my sista.

So you play with your hair eh? Interesting, its funny how the little things say so much about us. And you, are a serious flirt. lol!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

"Love is many things...it is varied..but one thing it is not is UNSURE..."-Maya Angelou

If you had doubts and were 2nd guessing, he probably wasnt the right fit. When the right one comes along, you wont have to think about it. It'll feel right.

Lol@ the anology with the chicken

bArOquE said...

how can the chicken that we have been peeled yam already for, run away?...so you ran because you were afraid to love...how convinient for you not tp love him...anyway, i think you should have followed the TT, it prolly was a dressing ring...what do you push btw, lemme know if the Audi guy has got taste...LOL

Jarrai said...

Babes me and you seem to be in the same both. Met a guy, he seemed nice but something held me back.If am completely honest small traces of my last relationship surfaced and i backed out!!!! Stupid i know but it just made me realise i still have some sub-consious stuff to deal with.

I feel evil cuz i knew he like me but that is never enough.

You considered everything and decided on which road to travel on. I hope he understands.

Jarrai said...

Lol @ audi guy!!!!

Jarrai said...

i meant boat!!!

Afronuts said...

ROTFLMAO!

I gotta say. u are one unique wierdo!

Did u think u were in a movie? wonder what that dude married...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

poeticallytinted, lol it was totally inoccent I was jus 'testing the bed out'

Flabby, i knew you would relate, for the love of chicken stew......

Shubby, you are welcome to contribute to my 'replace the bed fund' lol

Clnmike, my quote of the week 'better nip it in the bud than at the alter'

Shona, traffic lights wierdos,....desperate times call for desperate measures

miss love, thanks for the reassurance coz was doubting myself

talesandtallies, nonsense married men indeed!!!!!!!

rethots said...

...and she did it again. Not to worry, 'll be conscious not to hit reply next time i see a comment.

AlooFar said...

LMAO!


I can't agree more with Misslove. Truth hurts.

OluwaDee said...

Next time @ d light, look straight ahead.

So u were just testing the bed???

I dont think you chickened out.

Buying live chicken is just the best. I dont kill it myself tho. Get it done at d market.

Jinta said...

lol. my experience of the great bird escape was a guinea fowl, 2 of them as a matter of fact. They were up on a tree in some meadows behind our house for a couple of days.

you cant force love, but my thought is it would have been unusual to love the fellow without first starting a relationship.

does it make you a perv as well since you were flirting at the lights? bobo was just trying his luck, you've got to give him points for forthrightness

Buttercup said...

damn..and i was waitin to hear 'the hook up gist' o...oh well, im sure u did what was best for u..

oooooooo when will i stop seein this married men bullshit thing??? never, i guess..

how r u tho??

ibiluv said...

u see-its aiight to take the plunge

perv at the trafic light-it was just harmless flirting...dont ya think??

not everyone flirts with the intention to go ahead
he may just have needed a lift

a fyne thing like you smiling at him.............*wink*

now babes what made you think crazy sex equals jumping on a bed.....two very diferent activities.......

fortune teller...i'd like a shot at that........

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

tigeress, lol

solomnsydelle, me a flirt? Its not my fault shameless married men, prey on innocent girls like me at traffic lights lol.

nigerian drama queen, loved the quote, will definitely write it down in my journal.

baroque, lol thot like minds attract, so the audi has to have coomon ground with whatever it is that i push...you do the maths lol

Jarrai, you are right, I definitely need to resolve my issues before taking the plunge

Afronuts, it sure felt like some bad ass Nija movie lol

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

rethots, but i made sure I left a valid email address this time???

Aloofar, true that, love hurts and then some.

Oluwadee, you get someone to do the squimish work for you? you are definitely a chicken (pun intended).

Jinta, lol I was not flirting, I saw the ring when I was just about to lol

buttercup, all married men who try and act single should be put into a bonfire. they are the cause of too many hearbreaks.

Ibiluv lol trust you to put a positive spin on things

Omo calabar. said...

Some Married men might need to spice up their life, if the wife isnt doing enough. Lol.

poeticallytinted said...

(in an eerie voice) I am reading your the tarrot cards printed for you right now... it says: True love is on it's way to you, all you need to do is pay a certain amount into Poeticallytinted's dom account!

Okay, really dismal attempt at cheering you up not so?

:)