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MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Monday, November 24, 2008

No Sex in this City ................

There should be a law against having wall shaking, floor thudding, window rattling, bed breaking, mind blowing sex (yes Sho' am talking to you lol), particularly if you live in an apartment above someone who isn't getting any, or hasn't been getting any for a while. Surely its just good neighbourliness, it makes sense, in the same way as you wouldn't eat your KFC bucket with extra large fries and two large sides in front of starving kids at a refugee camp in Somalia.

Okay bad analogy cause I'm not starving, 'starving' would mean that I am hungry yet no 'food' is available, which is not true coz the 'food' can be made available yet I'm choosing not to eat lol maybe I'm becoming sexnorexic. But seriously its been exactly 9 months since I last got laid. The first 4 of those were hell, mainly because I was still in a long distance relationship and I missed my man so much going to bed alone was intolerable, so to make me feel better we had more phone sex during those 4 months than the rest of Holland put together, I use Holland as an example coz the rest of Europe is ultra conservative. The last 5 months have been completely erotic free, meaning no sex, no alternatives to sex, no plans to get sex and very little thoughts about sex lol. Its kinda like being on a diet, the first 3 weeks are hard work (apparently it takes that long for your pallet to change)and then afterwards you get used to the 'diet' it becomes a routine, second nature, you wonder how a few months back you could possibly eat cream cakes 3 times a day, or wake up in the middle of the night for a banana or two?

So having successfully managed to keep my apartment a 'sex free zone' for 5 months running, you can imagine my frustration of having to endure night after night of 'oh Johnny oh Johnny ha ha ha oh Johnny Johnny ha ha ha Johnny oh Johnny ohhh ha ha ha johnny Johnny oh oh ha ha ha....... seriously how many times can one say Johnny in a minute followed by laughter then thuds, rattling more ha ha has a few Johnny's' a couple of oohs more rattling or ha ha has then a few high pitched Johnny's' then comes my favourite part of the evening.....silence, total silence. Five months is a long time in Sex-land so maybe am a bit out of touch but since when has sex become so funny that one has to say an average of 20 ha ha Ha's a minute? I know for definite that Johnny upstairs ain't no Chris Rock, he's an Electrician by trade lol so naturally i'm curious as to the cause /source of those ha ha Ha's......anyone with a hyperactive imagination to help me out?

So when was the last time you had noisy, wall shaking, floor thudding, window rattling, bed breaking, mind-blowing sex? (and please no answers on postcards, keep it to yourselves thank you!). But seriously who ever told people that making more noise or making the apartment expierence a mini earthquake(all the rattling and shaking) means you are enjoying it a whole lot? Once upon a time, in an era long gone, the most I could manage if i was really enjoying myself were one syllable words, anything longer meant my mind wasn't yet blown away lol.I'm not hating on my horny neighbours upstairs, or cussing the building company for making low quality apartments with paper thin walls, all i'm saying is.....Santa for Christmas please bring me one gaint pair of ear muffs , or better still wave your magic wand so that jus for a day, today, there is no noisy, wall shaking, floor thudding, window rattling, bed breaking, mind-blowing sex in this city!!!!

64 comments:

AnyaPosh said...

Haha...gurl, & u say u ain't hatin? ha! U iz hating big time... LOL

So why did you go on this 5month sabbatical from sex? is the long-distance thing not working? or did y'all break up or something?

For me, I had that 'ooh ooh aaah aah ahh johnny kinda boink' in April & it was delicious. So its been 7 months since its been that good :(

CurvyGurl said...

No sex in this city for a while...but when I do...woowee!

Nefertiti said...

LMAO! Am i first? Please say I'm first.

Are you sure you don't need a post card? I sure can give minute by minute account...lol. What can I say? some people are just more vocal than others. I do believe in letting a guy know how you feel though. Hell, you can wake the neighbours up if you are married, and as long as it's johnny every night too...lol

Y did you become sexnorexic tho? I hope Santa grants your wishes, Hon ;-)

Nefertiti said...

Not only am I not first, neither am I second nor Third

**Stalks off, smoke coming out of ears and nose.

AnyaPosh said...

LOL...suck it up Princess Nefertiti! there's nothing wrong with 4th position. :D

ShonaVixen said...

how come i didnt make it to Top 5?MDM we need to strike a deal, you message me when you're about to click publish yeah??Ok lemme go n read with my sulky face....

Temite said...

Ehn. You are so hating. and I had something like that the last time I saw boyfie. Chei I am missing out o, but 20 days to go Men.

ShonaVixen said...

Johnny uses that vibrating ring - the Durex one, yup that one, and so instead of it actually arousing said girl, it tickles her..so in a wierd way, he likes it when she laughs mid-way...however what he doesnt realise is sometimes its not the vibrating ring making her laugh...she's actually laughing at Johnny, his face so stern as if he's working on an electrical appliance...lol....
Gurl, more power to some earth-shaking, tsunami-like, thunder and lighting like sexing...yay to noise makers...lol...sorry gurl, i just my 'scrabble' on...lol..love u still..lol..xoxo

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

AnyaPosh, I aint hating, I got no building insurance and im sure those two will have caused some structural damage to this building before its over lol

as for the 'sabbatical' I needed to take a breather after the messy break up with the long distance X, (I think I did blog about it in my earlier posts)

CurvyGurl, Guess mine aint the only dry city huh? Now dont be shaking down walls and windows next time someone visits that city of yours lol

Nefertiti, you are fourth alright!! serves you right for doing an 'oh ahh Johnny ha ha ha' on your unfortunate neighbours.... Its a long story but jus cant seem to get it up anymore ha ha

Shona, I aint messaging you nothing, cant believe you are busy getting laid whilst some of us are putting up 'no sex zones' in the nieghbourhood, what happened to your sisterly solidarity lol

Temite, I aint hating, I dont have building insurance and those two are causing some major structural damage!!!!!

bumight said...

lol @ "how many times can you say johnny in a minute?"
maybe next time you should count. LOL!

NigerianDramaQueen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NigerianDramaQueen said...

Haha so it happens to you too? I've gotten so use to my neighbours sex lives I can almost tell you their cycle, their foreplay, everything.lol. It use to be real torture cuz aint no sex in my city either, but hey...iv learned to block it now...even though that is a real chore in itself.lol.

Tigeress said...

lol. No sex in the city seems to be everywhere.

(vixenchick) said...

congrats on being celibate! that's really inspiring!

xoxo

vixen

K said...

LOL...you poor child...they are flaunting their sex waaaaaaaaay too much I think. Don't worry its been a long time for me too and even though I have temptations left right and centre a sister got to hold on and be strong...LOL...for me its coming to nearly a good year and a half...whaaaaaaat I cant believe I just said that...

clnmike said...

Lol, yeah that would be annoying.

Just...Toluwa said...

Cld be pretty annoying eh? a whole 5months? May the good Lord strengthen you more...thats really a long time in sextacyland!

doll said...

heya. Pele. LOL

bArOquE said...

...by whatever, however, whichever, whoever, anyever means, please dont shout my name...i beg you...& i think with all that mini earthquake & sound effects, its great sex...dont hate MissMaybe...& please do something about the 5months incubation b what happened to Standtall's puss will happen to your Molly...go read

naijalines said...

'Sounds like the rant of someone who needs to get laid, if you ask me. Hope you don't mind my saying so. Please do get laid ASAP, lol.

plastiQ said...

You are beefing. i would too, if I was in your shoes. Oh Johnny! would mean Johnny is trying his best, but not there yet. Ooooh Johnnnyyy! would mean would mean Johnny is a mean spirited Dauda and he is the shizzles (plus your roof might be about to cave in).

I feel your pain dear. Close the gap between you and your man, and get him to give you some head as compensation.

po said...

haha this was really funny! A sexnorexic!

I am quite quiet myself, but sometimes I get ticklish and then I can't stop giggling.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Bumight, ha ha ha who knows might improve my rubbish maths skills whilst at it.

NigereanDramaQueen, are you sure we dont live in the same apartment block coz that definitely sounds like Johnny from upstairs.

Tigeress, LOL and I thought it was jus my city.

Vixenchick, it doesnt require much effort celibacy, not when you are single and whats being offerred is not up to par, it actually becomes the easy way out!!

Kookie, a year and a half??? Girl you are strong, hope I can have the same strength, whats the secret?

Clnmike, tell me about it.

Just..Toluwa, Amen to that, maybe should buy one of those 'true love can wait' rings lol

Doll, girl it aint funny at all.

Baroque, will definitely go read, but im enjoying the vacation, not quite ready to return to sexxtascyland jus yet.

Naijalines, lol, u need food to survive , u need water, u need shelter, u need air but no one needs sex those are just 'wants'
ask Marslow.

PlastiQ, LMAO, thanks for the explanation but for some reason I cant imagine JOhhny the electrician from upstairs being the 'shizzle' maybe I ought to ask him to come and check my 'wiring' so I can found out for myself lol

Po, Giggling during sex? Are you sure you aint the one 'doing' JOhnny from upstairs? If its you, u owe me one giant pair of ear muffs!!

geisha.song. said...

lol! thats hilarious. sorry babe!

~Sirius~ said...

This is no longer funny MDM, 20 something, I mean what's happened to our love?

Santa had better make your wish come true.
LMAO!!!!!! (don't hate on Jonny and the electrician)- You can knock on his door and tell him you didn't subscribe for free porn
WTH!!!!! "sexnorexic" LOL.....

naijalines said...

Yes you do!

naijalines said...

I mean...with a rant like that you do. No offence!!!

ShonaVixen said...

hmmm Maslow's hierachy of needs...Sex would be @ the peak experience..or is it basic needs...lol...just playing gurl...aaah thats for you saying no to our deal!!
PS: m still celibate...lol..

miz-cynic said...

NO SHOW FOR U........but pls bear with them afterall when u too start ur own""oh....whateve...whateva....im cominggggggg"".lol.they will hv to bear it.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Geisha, any idea whatn could be the cause of the constant ha ha has'?

~Sirius~, LMAO, I really should put a polite 'I dont subscribe to free porn' note thru their door. U are dead cheeky lol.

Naijalines, LOL will concur with u least you say 'the lady doth protest too much'

Shona, are you celibate as in celibate or are you 'celibate' for my benefit (as in you have been celibate for the past 5hrs coz he is at work lol.

Mz-Cynic, lol I wont be howling Johnny's name thats for sure.

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

my explaination of the ha ha (s) and ho ho (s) wuld be head. he's prolly going down on her. i know. yes. i do. cos i'll be ha ha and ho ho ho(ing) too. lol!

... and there u av it. lol!

MR. CHAP said...

lmao

Eb the Celeb said...

Like a month ago... lol... usually i have to keep quiet because my roommate is he but she wasnt that night and we had the windows shattering... it was nice to get it on without any inhibition of the noise...lol

I hope you get some soon missy... well that is if you are trying to... dont know if you have chosen to not get any or if no one is worthy at the moment

ShonaVixen said...

lol....i plead the fifth!!...lol

Iwalewa McDaniels said...

it's been over a year and I don't even miss it that much but I guess if I had neighbors like ur's I'll wake up to what I am missing.

I hope Santa brings u those ear plugs.

bArOquE said...

so, have you read it?...& i need your ONE WORD comment on my spot

Smaragd said...

sexnorexic... lmao.

just so u know i've been here! lol

exschoolnerd said...

lol at the picture!!! and at tigeress' comment!!!

imagine if one day johnny comes to knock on ur down to ask u if u fancy a threesome!

Brothers Blog said...

lmao. I had to laugh when I started reading this. Because I could imagine my neighbors being pissed like this. I have never heard them ever. But I bet they have heard me plenty times. lol.

And yeah everyone is different. I've been with some that are pretty quiet. Others that just get too vocal and some over the top. Nothing like a blood curdling scream at 3am. To wake all the neighbors in the building. lmao.

My bad is all I can say.

My neighbors moved to the apartment downstairs recently though. I wonder if I was the cause. lol

Hide and Seek said...

oh what torture! u need ear muffs ASAP

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Lighty NK, lol thanks to you now when I hear those ha ha has' they will be followed by a mental image of JOhnny going down on his girl....santa please give me a mental blackout too!!!!

Mr Chap, I would be LOl too if it wasnt my nieghbours.

Sho', I guess i will jus have to respect your constitutional rights lol

Baroque, will be over at yours in a minute

Eb the Celeb, at least you waited till the roomie was away....wish my nieghbours would wait until im off on holiday......but i guess not coz that would mean they would only have it four or five times a year.

Iwalewa Mcdaniels, a year/ good on you, Im hoping i can get to a year, not long to go though jus February.

Brothers Blog,......Johnny is that you????? lol

Smaragd, yeah u heard it here first.


Ex SChoolnerd, threesome??hell to the No, how can I be having threesomes when I havent even been having twosomes :-)

Hide n Seek, finally someone who thinks I aint crazy....bring on those giant muffs!!!

Gia Shakur said...

Sorry I was so loud. JP but I kinda had and argument with one of my neighbors because I was being so loud. But I honestly didnt notice and u would think after owning shares of an apartment the walls would be thick enough to do anything you damn well please!!!! but yea I definately feel you

MissLove said...

i havent had time to read ur blog :( now see i stand comment wise lol there is no sex is so many cities oh!! wats reall gwaning lol catchy title lemme go back n read!

ibiluv said...

hate them too on your behalf....*wink*....

so when are u getting a little *something something*

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

hahahahaha.

I once had a neighbor in college who would force all of us in the hall to come outside because of how loud she was when having sex with her numerous partners. I hear she is now a born again Christian traveling the world sharing the gospel.

NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...

Ms.O said...

Girl I feel you. My roomates bf has been around all week AND I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE SCREAMS AND WHAT NOT!!! Gosh I want to kill them!!! ANywhoooo's I deicded to leave the house for them. Couldnt take the foolishness anymore!!

azuka said...

Lol!

flabby said...

hey booo!! haha..pele..and stop hating by saying quiet is better..wateva works for the person nau!!

lol-wat do i know!?

xx

rethots said...

*whispers hope this a correct email oh.* wrong as usual....

That was a phrase i heard in a service and i just could not but share it.

You know what blogsville offers, an opportunity to choose. Actually, something about your blog (your writings) fascinated me, thus the journey back (in time).
Yes, you have not just moved (positively) on but, i was very highly encouraged.

Do have a nice week.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

gia Shakur, lol wait until I start getting some and then its payback time, hell the foundations will crumble in this building number ten on the richter scale

ibiluv, not for a long long time unless we are talking Donnell Jones kind of hot.

Miss Love, girl its been ages how have you been?

Solomonsydelle, lol what a U turn,

Miss O, what utter foolishness,

Azuka, you should be feeling sorry for me

Flabby, hey gorgeous where you bin hiding??? I aint hating at all Im jus saying 'I dont have building insurance' lol

Rethots, coming from you thats a compliment of the highest regard coz i hold your blog in awe,
have an amazing week too

poeticallytinted said...

Johnny sure is something! lol. Is that his real name by the way!!!!

kay-shawn said...

Lol at sexoneric. I'm a missing something? When did nine months without having sex become such a big deal? I know people who haven't had any sex in two, three years. They have no health problems they just haven't been in the right environment to have it.
Okay, maybe we should start a blogville wide debate. You're giving me ideas for my next post. How long people can actually go without having sex. I dare say forever. Lack of sex has never killed anyone before.
Sorry if I sounded a bit insensitive there. I hope we are still friends. Luv ya!

ababoypart2 said...

lol...I agree with you

Funms-the rebirth said...

i had one during the week....... so much for my celibacy attempt but hey, it was really earth shaking........ hmmmm

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Well I ain't had none in about a month and it it has to be worthwhile to count you can add about 3 more months to that. Is h just ain't poppin over here. Thanks for the love!

Buttercup said...

LMAO! Poor u..

But on the real, ur 9months cant be compared to my 22 freakin months!

*sings in the tune of Beyoncé's 'Single Ladies'* all the celibate ladies, PUT YOUR HANDS UP!

LOL

Ms. emmotions said...

but wait o, i for one belive that once in a while, those earth shakin, window shatterin kind of *** is allowed....lol

howdy gal ?

Miss Mahogany said...

(just passing through)

You are too funny!!! Good post :)

rethots said...

MDM, for unknown reasons....your mails keep bouncing back. Anyway, you can check that post again. 'tis been properly editted.

Seduction Club said...

LOL.....very interesting post.

Funms-the rebirth said...

miss DM, where art thou?

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Funms-the rebirth, hey babe glad to see you are back, *insert loads of cyber kisses and hugs here* Blogsville wouldnt be the same without you......now on to more important business how dare you have an earth shaking window shatterring moment and not spill the beans, where is the love?

Buttercup, has it been that long for you too, guess mine is not the only dry city huh?

Ms Emotions, hey babe, feel free to have as many earth shatterring moments as yyou like as long as its not with JOhnny upstairs.

Miss Mahogany, thanks for passing by.

Rethots, will do in a minute

Seduction club, you flatter me so...thanks for passing by

Youngblackbeauty, not that im bragging but I got a whole six months on yah lol

ababoypart 2, thanks for passing by

Kayshawn, nine months is a BIG deal especially if you were used to having it everyday lol

poeticallytinted, yep Johnny is Johnny lol

Confessions of a London gal said...

Miss DM- I'll do you one better- for Xmas I am gonna get Santa to bring you your very own customised 'Johnny'! So wen Johnny the electrician is making his girls go gaga you wud be too busy receiving your 'blessings' from your very own Johnny!!!
P.S. i dedicated my latest post to ya!

Muze said...

HILARIOUS!

i had neighbors like that at my old apt. and not to be stereotypical, but it was a black girl and a white nerdy doctor dude.

i mean... just didn't seem like he would have been making her scream to Jesus and the disciples like that. really.

eww we would even here them walk to the bathroom and flush the condom. so nasty.

lol.

at least they were safe, i guess. lmao.