Down on Bended knees

"whatever I said, whatever I did, I didnt mean it, I just want you back for good, want you back, want you back, I want you back for good"
I don't remember who sang this song, but I cant help humming it as i type this post. I'm no relationship expert, certainly i have failed in that domain four times over and had it been a college course or a job I would have been permanently barred from the field due to incompetence. So you can understand why I would normally shy away from giving relationship advice. (I would normally point you in the direction of Shona or Afrobabe and leave them to the job). Okay back to my non expert advice...............listen carefully coz this will be my first and last bit of unsolicited advice......

now if you are going to break up with someone and there is even a tiny bit of chance however remote that in the distant or not too distant future you might be begging that person to take you back, then PLEASE don't use phrases like 'ugly,' 'fcuking bitch', 'i never loved you', 'I was fcuking someone else all along', 'you were sh*t in bed', 'good riddance', or 'it was jus a fling,' in your break up vocabulary coz those kind of phrases do not enhance your prospects in any way when you go back to her/him down on bended knees grovelling for a second chance (with that girl or boy who according to you was a fat ugly fcuking bitch who you never loved as it was just a fling so that's why you were fcukiing someone else all along and its good riddance ). I would advice everyone to mind their break up language cause sooner or later you will definitely come back grovelling when you discover that the grass is indeed not greener on the other side......it rarely is.(90% of the time anyway according to my own biased inaccurate and totally unreliable research lol)

anyway there is nothing as humiliating or as dehumanising as grovelling before someone who you called all sorts of names and swore that you would never ever want anything to do with even if they were the last woman on earth and the survival of mankind depended on it. Certainly talking from expirence its rather off putting to say the least. Case in point 'he whose name we do not speak' I found myself literally imprisoned at my own front door. dude was down on his knees, tears streaming down his face, grabbing at my feet, blocking the door so that I could not move, begging me to take him back. (seriously even the worst soap could not have written this into a script). I was trying to shut my door in his face, the poor guy was hanging on for dear life, had it been a movie it would have been comical to say the least starring Chris Rock , Adam Sandler or Jim Carey but trust me when its happening at your own front door there is nothing comical about it, all you wanna do is call the cops asap.

I would have, had it not been so pathetic, gone was the over confident cocky dude cruising round in his two seater merc, Life post our breakup had not been kind to him and it showed in a number of ways (I wont waste your time going over them lol) Funny how tables turn, this was the very same guy who when I eventually took the hint and broke up with him swore he would never be back, that he didn't love me anyway blah blah blah and how I should hit the road running coz he didn't give a damn.....the irony of it all......guess u wouldn't blame me then for secretly humming eminem's 'guess whose back' under my breath. I felt vindicated in a way coz whilst I had realised that I could live without him and I could do so much better, he in turn had discovered that he couldn't live without me and i was his 'everything'. To cut a long story short, I shut my door in his face, that's one guy who is never coming within a mile of my heart again, i was done with him a long time ago.Someone else asked me to take him back but that's a story for another post(I'm on a roll this month guess its something in the northern chilly air lol).

To take him back or not to take him back, that's a dilemma that faces each and everyone of us at some point in our lives. My theory is there are four different types of men who beg you to take them back.

there is the genuine type, the dude who truly realised that he made a mistake by letting you go and genuinely wants another chance to make things right, to make it work. he will fight hard to have you back and when he succeeds makes damn sure he keeps you for good.

there is the 'got nothing better to do I'm bored type', he doesn't really want you back, but he has discovered that there is nothing interesting out there, or all the single ladies are not rushing out to date him like he thought they would, so after a few weeks or months of being dateless the novelty of being single starts to wear thin and he gets disillusioned and thinks I might as well just go back to good old faithful miss DM.

the 'spiteful type' this is probably the most popular type of guy. he doesn't want you back, but he doesn't want you to be happy either. So every time you start getting back on your feet, or have one or two guys genuinely interested in you and you are starting to contemplate going out with one of them, he reappears on the scene saying how much he wants you back blah blah blah and how he made a mistake, you take him back only for him to hurt you again, and when you eventually get back on your feet he reappears again, and the same thing keeps happening again and again.

then there is Mr confuse your mind,you know the type that doesn't want you back but still wants to have sex with you. so he is kinda like blah blah lets take things slow and see how it goes. So you are not in a 'relationship' but you are sleeping together. he says he needs to sort his feelings out, figure out what he really wants but he loves you blah blah but funny how his d**k has no problem figuring out what it wants huh?So he confuses you, and you don't move on cause you are stuck in this halfway house in between being in a relationship and jus being sex buddies. 9 out of 10 times you later find out he has a new girlfriend on the side and get hurt again.

Some say that you should never get back together again with a guy whose broken your heart coz you cant teach an old dog new tricks. Others say to err is human and to forgive is divine. I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer but I guess the secret to avoid being hurt again is to make sure that if ever he does come back on bended knees begging you to take him back, make sure that he is not bored, spiteful or jus trying to confuse your mind.