CLICK HERE FOR THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES »

MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Monday, November 03, 2008

Down on Bended knees

"whatever I said, whatever I did, I didnt mean it, I just want you back for good, want you back, want you back, I want you back for good"
I don't remember who sang this song, but I cant help humming it as i type this post. I'm no relationship expert, certainly i have failed in that domain four times over and had it been a college course or a job I would have been permanently barred from the field due to incompetence. So you can understand why I would normally shy away from giving relationship advice. (I would normally point you in the direction of Shona or Afrobabe and leave them to the job). Okay back to my non expert advice...............listen carefully coz this will be my first and last bit of unsolicited advice......

now if you are going to break up with someone and there is even a tiny bit of chance however remote that in the distant or not too distant future you might be begging that person to take you back, then PLEASE don't use phrases like 'ugly,' 'fcuking bitch', 'i never loved you', 'I was fcuking someone else all along', 'you were sh*t in bed', 'good riddance', or 'it was jus a fling,' in your break up vocabulary coz those kind of phrases do not enhance your prospects in any way when you go back to her/him down on bended knees grovelling for a second chance (with that girl or boy who according to you was a fat ugly fcuking bitch who you never loved as it was just a fling so that's why you were fcukiing someone else all along and its good riddance ). I would advice everyone to mind their break up language cause sooner or later you will definitely come back grovelling when you discover that the grass is indeed not greener on the other side......it rarely is.(90% of the time anyway according to my own biased inaccurate and totally unreliable research lol)

anyway there is nothing as humiliating or as dehumanising as grovelling before someone who you called all sorts of names and swore that you would never ever want anything to do with even if they were the last woman on earth and the survival of mankind depended on it. Certainly talking from expirence its rather off putting to say the least. Case in point 'he whose name we do not speak' I found myself literally imprisoned at my own front door. dude was down on his knees, tears streaming down his face, grabbing at my feet, blocking the door so that I could not move, begging me to take him back. (seriously even the worst soap could not have written this into a script). I was trying to shut my door in his face, the poor guy was hanging on for dear life, had it been a movie it would have been comical to say the least starring Chris Rock , Adam Sandler or Jim Carey but trust me when its happening at your own front door there is nothing comical about it, all you wanna do is call the cops asap.

I would have, had it not been so pathetic, gone was the over confident cocky dude cruising round in his two seater merc, Life post our breakup had not been kind to him and it showed in a number of ways (I wont waste your time going over them lol) Funny how tables turn, this was the very same guy who when I eventually took the hint and broke up with him swore he would never be back, that he didn't love me anyway blah blah blah and how I should hit the road running coz he didn't give a damn.....the irony of it all......guess u wouldn't blame me then for secretly humming eminem's 'guess whose back' under my breath. I felt vindicated in a way coz whilst I had realised that I could live without him and I could do so much better, he in turn had discovered that he couldn't live without me and i was his 'everything'. To cut a long story short, I shut my door in his face, that's one guy who is never coming within a mile of my heart again, i was done with him a long time ago.Someone else asked me to take him back but that's a story for another post(I'm on a roll this month guess its something in the northern chilly air lol).

To take him back or not to take him back, that's a dilemma that faces each and everyone of us at some point in our lives. My theory is there are four different types of men who beg you to take them back.

there is the genuine type, the dude who truly realised that he made a mistake by letting you go and genuinely wants another chance to make things right, to make it work. he will fight hard to have you back and when he succeeds makes damn sure he keeps you for good.

there is the 'got nothing better to do I'm bored type', he doesn't really want you back, but he has discovered that there is nothing interesting out there, or all the single ladies are not rushing out to date him like he thought they would, so after a few weeks or months of being dateless the novelty of being single starts to wear thin and he gets disillusioned and thinks I might as well just go back to good old faithful miss DM.

the 'spiteful type' this is probably the most popular type of guy. he doesn't want you back, but he doesn't want you to be happy either. So every time you start getting back on your feet, or have one or two guys genuinely interested in you and you are starting to contemplate going out with one of them, he reappears on the scene saying how much he wants you back blah blah blah and how he made a mistake, you take him back only for him to hurt you again, and when you eventually get back on your feet he reappears again, and the same thing keeps happening again and again.

then there is Mr confuse your mind,you know the type that doesn't want you back but still wants to have sex with you. so he is kinda like blah blah lets take things slow and see how it goes. So you are not in a 'relationship' but you are sleeping together. he says he needs to sort his feelings out, figure out what he really wants but he loves you blah blah but funny how his d**k has no problem figuring out what it wants huh?So he confuses you, and you don't move on cause you are stuck in this halfway house in between being in a relationship and jus being sex buddies. 9 out of 10 times you later find out he has a new girlfriend on the side and get hurt again.

Some say that you should never get back together again with a guy whose broken your heart coz you cant teach an old dog new tricks. Others say to err is human and to forgive is divine. I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer but I guess the secret to avoid being hurt again is to make sure that if ever he does come back on bended knees begging you to take him back, make sure that he is not bored, spiteful or jus trying to confuse your mind.

33 comments:

bumight said...

FIRST!!!!!!

bumight said...

you are so spot on! there's really nothing to add :)

Funms said...

bumighttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( 2nd!!!

IDK said...

3rd..(notice I say this bitterly cuz I think I shulda been first..II jus left for 30 mins pere and there was a new post..ko da oo) interestin post:P

Funms said...

Miss DM, thanks for this once in a life time advice u put up........
u've said it all babe. the worst types are the spiteful ones........

Nefertiti said...

Deep, right on the money! Seen 'em all. I hope u told the fool to 'hit the road running. heeeydyooot!

Temite said...

Wow! Thanks so much. Great advice. I will try to remember this! If you are sure he is not the genuine brother then please no go there o. Pele Miss DM. It is well!

Da Hunni Toya said...

IM FEELING THIS HELLA DEEP RIGHT HERE
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU SPEAKING ON

Kookie said...

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh that man was sobbing for you child huh? He probably thought you would lower yourself to pick him up. Good advice and life lessons to boot..

poeticallytinted said...

ohmigosh! @ that scene you described!
Funny and true. It's never happened to me (ego firmly in place) but if you'd been dumped once in a very insensitive manner by a dude, what guarantee do you have that he won't do it again?! His crocodile tears?!
There are many many more men out there, why go back to your vomit!
If all else fails, I'd rather be alone than miserable.

Buttercup said...

U cudnt have said it any better....i wud never go back to an ex that broke my heart, yea, to err is human..whatever, the fact that i forgive him doesnt necessarily mean i shud take him back.

I trust u have ur feet planted firmly on the ground concernin mr 2-door merc..

naijalines said...

This is soooo hilarious. You can't really be sure he wasn't been spiteful or all those other things as well. Beware o, hmmmmm....LOL!!!!

What a way to start Monday morning! This tickles me no end. The next thing we know you'd post a part two and tell us it was all a dream and you got it wrong with the guy. Perhaps you're reading too much into this guy's moves. Just a thought!

ShonaVixen said...

WTH....how did i miss this last nite?MDM dont do your girl like this....dang...
The song is by Take That called Back for Good!(Robbie Williams i so love)
Ok back to this post,spot on and good advice... gurl thanx for making me laugh this Monday morning...i really would have wanted to watch that scenario outside your door...lol...

Jaycee said...

"I was trying to shut my door in his face, the poor guy was hanging on for dear life, had it been a movie it would have been comical to say the least starring Chris Rock , Adam Sandler or Jim Carey but trust me when its happening at your own front door there is nothing comical about it, all you wanna do is call the cops asap.

LOLLLL...can't help but laugh at that phrase. I was picturng the scenario in my head.

Yes, people shd be careful about break-up language...but even more so their "language" in general. The way we talk speaks of our characters...a soft answer turns away wrath.

Just...Toluwa said...

funny...

But how do you know which of the types the guy is? You can not know unless you take them back...

~Sirius~ said...

wow...........how do you get your analysis so spot on everytime!!!!
the world is full of the spiteful ones, they just don't want your happiness period......and I can say we have shared the same experience.......crying like his lifes depends on you saying yes ok, and I bet you if we made the mistake of saying yes they would have turned to their old ways hours later, Mcheww!

rethots said...

"I had realised that I could live without him and I could do so much better,..."

You seem to have a knack coming up with spot-on phrases.
Anyway, if only for the above phrase; let 'em go (oops, 'our' heart will be broken though) we will be better off for it (did i say always? YES ALWAYS).

Tigeress said...

Miss DM- congratulations!!! Pls tell me it felt real good- and even better than you could shut the door in his face cos u didnt send. Nice!! Only if it worked out this way for everyone.

But meeeeehn, that is so evil- a guy telling me all them nasty things all in the name of breaking up- i think i would be scarred for life. I'll probably become a nun. lol!

ibiluv said...

silly ass mo'fo......

Zena said...

I believe the song is by Robin Williams and its called Take That-Back for good.
I loooooooooooooooooooovvvve that song,

For somebody who knows nothing about relationships or advice, you did a pretty good job I think,

So are you going to dish on the WHOLE story?

clnmike said...

Hit the nail on the head with this one.

Somebodies Friend said...

I'm feelin' this one!

I especially am feelin' the callin' the cops bit.

That actually happened to me once, the crazy b*tch wouldn't let me close the door when I ask her to leave, I made her leave, and she started smashing all the windows out in my house. YIKES!

Cops came, halled her away, and that was it!

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Bumight, congratulations

Funms,hey lose with grace lol yeah have a spiteful x so i should know

IDK, you are first coz i say so.

Nefertiti, hopefully he had that conversation with my door coz i didnt hang around that long.

temite,genuine brothers are few and far inbetween

da hunni toya, we've all been there.

kookie, right out of the movies, girl u should have been there with your video camera

poeticallytinted, couldnt have said it better,

buttercup, you can never teach an old dog new tricks, sooner or later they will jus revert to their old ways.

Naijalines, it would have been funny had it not been so humiliating and pathetic....... if someone is at your front door, hanging onto your legs for dear
life and crying for you to take them back, what other way is there to take this lol

Sho, if he ever decides to do a repeat series I will be right out with my camcorder jus for you lol

Jaycee, true there is no need to be arrogant when breaking up with someone its totally uncalled for.

talesandtallies said...

Its really all been said... i dnt knw if theres anything t add except that i hope u broke his nose when you banged the door on him... av noticed its always those that arrogantly break up with you that come back

Kin'shar said...

Hey you know that we as women.... will vent...OUT LOUD...when we are mad. There is no rules applied to the break up game.

Laughter said...

You are so right my dear. Good advise.I hope you felt good slamming that door on his face. The cheek of the bobo self.

exschoolnerd said...

u r right about wtching what u say when u break-up..


some dude n i broke up and the things he said...vulgar,harsh,hurtful...as in..only for him to start begging some months later...and i am like how now!!!!

i would be the biggest idiyyyaaat!!! to take u back...

its a year now n he's still begging!!

Bombchell said...

*round of applause!!!*


omg greqat advice.

lol oh no u didnt!! tel me u didnt really hum "guess who's back" lol i must have misread.

Gosh what is wrong with guys, I promise u, this past week, thats all me and my girls have talked about, u want them, they ignore, u get over them, then they want u *_*

goodluck making your decision

MissLove said...

GOSH! Again I proceed to get my gun out...and shoot some guys...

ahh *what a relief* ...*genuine bliss* pls can u not take him back..I don't even want to hear what he did thank you! You know I have been here *evil laugh* I have been with Mr. confuse yo mind *tears* not a sexy affair, I kid you not! gosh..have to get my gun again...x

Judy D. said...

mm mm mm, another good post.

i think i can identify with all of those break up types except for the genuine type... its hard to find those. :(

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Just Toluwa, we do not learn only by expierencing....we also learn thru the expierences of others.

Sirius, true you can never teach an old dog new tricks.

rethots, I couldnt have said it better

Tigeress, it was a totally orgasmic expierence

Zena, thanks for the info

Clnmike, maybe you can enlighten us, why do guys say all that sh*t when they know they will def be back begging?

ibiluv, lol silly ass mo'fo indeed

somebodies friend, welcome to my world, at least am not the only one with these crazy ass xboyfriends.

talesandtallies, they always come back, always......

kin'shar, i wasnt mad i was horrified, more like n*gg* what the F you doing wailing like that on my doorstep, dont you know i have nieghbours?????

Laughter, if i said i felt good it would be the biggest understatement of the year.....but in all honesty i felt sorry for him coz he looked well pathetic.

Shubby Doo said...

think the song was sang by 'take that'...i know it was...i know all the words by heart!

Kin'shar said...

LOL, you're so funny....


thanks for coming through...left you something