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MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Rottweiler ate my Valentine................

So... I have been AWOL for nearly a month now, not that any of you noticed.......... bloody traitors!!!!! You would have thought that by now, all of you would have carried out a fine tooth comb search of all the major mortuaries, intensive care units and ER departments........ Not that you would have found me, but you might have caught a glimpse of my 'supposed to have been' Valentine with half of his muscular, toned, sexy thigh ripped out, and a drip hanging out of his incredibly sexy 'kiss me again and again' absolutely sinful lips.

That's because the idiot had the bad sense to choose to get his leg mauled by a Rottweiler on Valentines day......how absolutely selfish and inconsiderate, One would have thought a true gentleman would have wined and dined her royal highness Miss DM, presented her with a box heaving with carats from Tiffany's then escorted her home in the Lamborghini and only there after would a true gentleman have chosen to give a hungry Rottweiler a mouthful of thigh to feast on. You wouldn't blame me for thinking the idiot did that on purpose, some men will do anything to get out of showing a lady some much deserved romance and affection, even if it means forcing open the mouth of some poor Rottweiler and manually clamping its resistant fangs round a meaty thigh.

Men are soooooo capable of such underhand dealing. I remember this hot shot doctor at my sister's hospital, promised to wine her and dine her at some fancy upmarket restaurant on a non occasion(this was the point she should have been suspicious, men don't even do occasions) The dude pulls out all stops, orders celebratory champagne even though there was nothing to celebrate, and just as the £235 bill gets slapped on the table, dude takes a spoonful of dessert, starts choking, eyes rolling, his whole life flashing before his very eyes, had to be taken to hospital in some ambulance, but not before the mean waiter made my sister pay the bill by visa, some people have no compassion, you would think in light of the medical emergency, the stupid restaurant would have let the celebratory champagne, oysters and caviar slide on the house, but no they had to have a payment, apparently dude had a peanut allergy and didn't know the dessert contained nuts (that's despite the clear warning on the menu next to the ice cream which read 'may contain nut traces'), I can bet a million dollars (I'm yet to win on the Lotto) that the selfish so and so did that on purpose, probably decided he would rather take his chances with his maker than fork out £235 on a dinner without the remote possibility of getting 'some' later that night........ Okay maybe that wasn't on purpose but you do get my drift.

So I spent the remainder of Valentines Day alone at home, after spending the entire afternoon at the Trauma Unit (don't know who was more traumatised the Rottweiler or my idiotic Valentine. I asked the ward nurse if when he had come in,he had a tiny blue box in his possession, but she looked at me with a blank stare, which made me realise that not only had I been over ambitious in my gift expectations but that the poor b*tch had never heard of Tiffany's and its limitless extortionately priced possibilities....apparently neither had my so called Valentine....he had the additional bad taste of buying me a card post Valentines asking me 'to be his valentine', a card????!!!!!!!! Had i known I would not have trekked to the hospital in sub zero temperatures to see his ass.what did he mean by 'be my valentine'? The fact that I was expecting something more weighty and pricey from Tiffany's should have already clued him to the fact that i was already regarding myself as his valentine. Cards are for funerals, or funerals or multi funerals, for everything else there is MasterCard, or Visa or American Express. I ain't no gold digger but surely anything which costs less than a Starbucks latte does not constitute a gift....which is why next year I will have a Valentines Registry like they do for weddings...As for my supposed Valentine, I wish the Rottweiler had not ripped out his muscular, toned and incredibly sexy thigh but swallowed his card buying self WHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!

51 comments:

Funms-the rebirth said...

Miss Dm is back and im firstttttttttt

Funms-the rebirth said...

hahahahaha..... sorry i had to laugh.. how did the rotweiler bit him? maybe it was also on purpose.... poor u spending vals day at the trauma unit only to get a card after!!!!!!! if its any consolation, i also had a shitty day....
so ur sisters date, did he ever offer to pay her back the 235pounds? hmmm just a thot so we could actually conclude whether he did it on purpose......
good to have u back

Funms-the rebirth said...

i meant bite*......... wow, im also third!

Shubby Doo said...

i can't even shout 1st...crap

double crap that shona has more comments than me...how?!! we found this blog more or less at the same time....SHONA!!!

i'm going back to read then i am going to be all over this page....just to even out the score

Shubby Doo said...

swallowed him whole....hahaha...no you don't sweetie...maybe the card was his attempt at forward thinking...be his valentine for 2010

p.s
that guy paid your sister back right?! i would have gone to his house, search for his cheque book and then headed to the hospital. i wouldn't have left until he signed a suitable amount of money back to me

Shubby Doo said...

wait a moment...is this an almost pp.s
valentine's post...hahahha...oya sorry...the world conspires...until you tell me the story miss DM i will not release u

ppp.s
lol @ at your tiffany carat jewel wanting ways... aint nothing wrong with a gold digger...i prefer diamonds myself...its cool as long as one isn't heartless about it...whoops.... i think by saying...'I wish the Rottweiler had not ripped out his muscular, toned and incredibly sexy thigh but swallowed his card buying self WHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!'... kinda rules u out hon...hehehe....

i so like the idea of a valentine's registry

Shubby Doo said...

i haven't caught up with shona yet and i don tire sef! mscheeeeew

LOL


glad to have u back girl...

Jayla said...

swallow him whole? babe u don't play o. lol, 'be my valentine' card? do they even make those this days abi it's a vintage cards?

wordsmith said...

LOL.... stranger than fiction...

flabby said...

lol- google wanted to koba me and sign me in- identity and all!!

lmao- that really is a strange day to get mauled!! and no back up plan? a card? a card?? are u kidding me- why dint he blow his nose on some tissue and give u that!hiss!!

xo

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Funms, hey babes its good to be back was away for far too long. Imagine a card for valentines day, granted he wasnt my boyfriend but all the more reason for making a special effort.

Shubby, ha ha ha ha Shona is one sly vixen, but you know you will always have an honorary 1st position on this blog coz you've been with me all the way. (dont tell Sho I said that, i will be dead meat)

Jayla, I wanted to ask him the same thing..like dude did you buy this in an antiques shop.

Wordsmith, nothing 'strange' about a dog grabbing a chunk of your flesh, nearly happened to me to, the strange thing from this whole incident is how someone in his right mind could possibly think a xcard is a decent valentines day present.

Saved Girl said...

lol, great post. glad to see you back...missed ya!

ShonaVixen said...

Number Thir-flipping-teen?????Mnxxxxxxxxxiiiiii
Hon u won't believe it but when I logged in earlier i thought of ya, was meant to come and comment but then had phone sex to tend to..and u know priorities..should my comments not make sense then its coz m all hot and bovvered!!..literally..phone sex sucks!!!!!..LOL..whispering *hope that gets me out of not having come here to look for MDM*
Nway welcome back, I missed ya and the poor dog..it really must have been traumatised and it knew this man was going to get you a card and it attacked him...BTW how the heck did he manage to get mauled by a dog?Was he telling his 'best-friend' of the intention to get a card and it just had to literally stop him in his tracks?..lol!

ShonaVixen said...

Actually i WAS FIRST!!!!YAY!!!!
Go Shona, FIRST!!!!!
As I said on Afro's post, its mind over matter, state of mind and right now I'm first in my mind!!All those other peeps like Funms are just proxies!!!

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

ROFL! No doubt...you've been missed.

XOXO
Your lovable traitor :-)

mizchif said...

Serious matter oh! Ordinary card,in this day of MASTERcard and such. Mscheeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!
Now the idea of a valentines registry sounds divine!

Well done 4 disappearing oh!

bumight said...

lol, i swear, u are ridiculous!!!

as for the doctor dude, im sure he faked the peanut allery. lol. i mean its not that hard...

K said...

Exchooooooooose me Miss MDM I demand a retraction of your earlier statement that we were not searching...I belive I came here looking for bodies or at least proof of life...lol

As for that rottweiler incident...please, so the dude stayed overnight in the hospital...I would have stayed to see how serious said incident was. If not staying overnight surely he could still manage dinner....lol

Just...Toluwa said...

MDM is back! yay! i did check up on u, to see if u had any new posts..nxt tym, (hope there wld nt be one) i wld look for u!

Rotweiler? wat was he doing around a rotweiler? on vals day too? maybe the rotweiler has ur litle blue box...?

~Sirius~ said...

Yay!!!!!!!!!!

And I checked up on you last week!

How sad :-( ruined your day for you.

And where in the world did your sister meet that guy!!!!!
235, Hells no, I hope he had to pay back some how.

PS: Did you seriously ask for a blue box............LOL LOving the faith girl.
I hope you don't speak to him anymore- "be my Valentine" days after- what's that? did he read it at all, or he just pulled it off the shelf? Mscheww!

wordmerchant said...

Welcome bk

LMAO!!..Poor dude..hope his leg is healing well..

Cheap ass man...i swear it was the bill that made him choke on his food!

Welcome bk..and yes we did miss u xx

OluwaDee said...

Ok. I know guys can be really silly, but will he go that far????

OluwaDee said...

Ok. I know guys can be really silly, but will he go that far????

ShonaVixen said...

BTW...MDM what is this u telling Shubby?Dead meat you are!!!!!!!!!!!

Shubby Doo said...

@Miss DM...u be correct babe...don't worry jo...i'll protect you...

@shona...i wanna be on top...if not first on this post then at least top commenter ...*down on bended knees*...eya woman why you no gree for me now?!!!...ok i surrender to only u...for now!!!

mwah

doll said...

Sure. I get your drift. LOL. Welcome back. Good to know you are fine

SECRET DIARY said...

Omo Oba, ki lo de? Na waaaaa ohhh.

* * *
Mii komment has bin safed, hand will be fiisible after di owner appruvaal.

miz-cynic said...

u did not gist us about this new love of ur life o...u come dey tell us say ...dog wan rip in thigh off.on pe ko to rip e off.pschew!

Smaragd said...

rotflmao!

omg! wow, how very co-incidental!lol. but then again, he might've gotten bit on his way to get u a gift babe, think positive ok...lmao! i guess it'ld've been nicer if he got bit on his way "back" from Tiffany and not "to"!

BUT, that doctor! lai-lai, i would MOST DEF collect my money back even if his monkey ass was about to be lowered into the ground from peanut attack death!mchew.at least i hope he offered to pay back

i did stalk ur blog while u were gone, cuz u got me all hooked on the Bugatti Veyron (currently staring at me from my laptop...yup), got a little scared when i realised u had it in for "us skinny b*****s"...lol

Shubby and Shona, you both are such clowns!

long thing!

La Reine said...

Ooh Child, sorry bout that, if its true. You sure know how to Rose something up, don't you?
-I think I've been here before but its been so long, I barely remembered my url...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Flabby, yes a card imagine, I hate cards, flowers I love although sometimes it can just be plain laziness, but cards?????reserve those for my funeral please.

Saved Girl, I missed you guys too, glad to be back.

Shona, forget about my card buying valentine of a fool, you were having WHAT with WHOM???????!!!!!

Curvygurl, yep you are all bloody traitors.

Mizchif, my valentine registry will read like this,tiffany pendant, tiffany ring, tiffany bracelet, tiffany ear rings, and anything else tiffany lol

Bumight, have YOU ever faked a peanut allergy lol

K, LMAO me being seen out and about with a dude with half his thigh missing????? jus kiddin he spent a few days in hospital so dinner was out, i guess the card was supposed to be a consolation (not)

Just....Toluwa, ha ha ha ha guess i will have to go looking for the vicious dog and retrieve what belongs to ceasar.

~Sirius~, wouldnt degrade myself to ask point blank but made some hints like, did he come in with any personal stuff that i can take home to wash or safe keep lol

Wordmerchant, poor dude???????poor me who got a card for valentines, some guys have no shame

Oluwadee, go that far as in get himself bitten by a dog or go that far as buy an amazing sophisticated royal princess like myself just a card??????

clnmike said...

Lol, the nerve of him damn it!

Temite said...

sorry boo. pele. It is well. Errr Babe I thought I was your FALENTINE. I left a message for you on my page. Ok. Well, eat him whole?! That one is taking it to a whole nother level. Take it easy o. LMAO.

scribble,me.free said...

haha...*brrr* its cold in here lol

bArOquE said...

ow dear, poor baby...i dont envy you, & yes i think that damn dog should have swallowed him & his card, WHOLE.

Afrobabe said...

Lmao...girl u have gone coo coo..awww poor boy, hope he feels better soon...

Naija Bloggers Awards 2009 said...

Hey,

Come check this out. See u there.

Laughter said...

Lolllllllll. Babes, na only you o, oh my gosh, rottweiler o gi ni? Pele my dear, but at least you too for pretend small by not asking the nurse for a small gift. Some men are just like goats jare. Missed you too although i am recovered but came looking for you babes. Missed ya o. Mwah

iHeart! said...

whoa there, tiger!!
lol. poor rottweiler.. clearly it didnt get the swallow-him-whole memo. wink.

Buttercup said...

MDM!!!!!!!!!! I've missed u like a fat kid misses cake(when separated from it..lol)

Off to read!

Buttercup said...

I really dunno if its wrong or right but i sure as hell laughed my ass off!

I hope he gets better soon..i hope u get ur box from tiffany's..i hope the rott's teeth are restored..

LOL..welcome back hon!

Buttercup said...

And i DID check on u!

Nefertiti said...

haba chica, chill for the bobo nau. missed ur crazy ass!

lulu said...

eeeh sorry about val couldnt you get a replacement?

Geebee said...

Wao, so much for a Valentine’s day. But you sef. Haba. Why would you imagine the guy almost got himself torn apart by a rottweiler on purpose. Hope the thigh’s much better now. Not to worry, you can choose March 14 and assume it’s the postponed Val’s day. I’m sure the thigh would have healed well and there’s be no excuses from Mister or whatcha think? Lol

Bombchell said...

lol u so crazy!!!!!!! u asked the nurse about a blue box!!!!! lol i would have thought u were expecting a wedding ring if i was the lady lol.

so u only got a card? oh well. omg @ ur sis. thats crazy, did the guy pay her back, or take her out again to make up for it?

Tigeress said...

this post is hilarious!!! Pls tell me u're pissing about tho!

So how is your Val doing? I hope he's good. And pls tell me the rotweiler was put down.

Anyway, i've been MIA as well......http://thecounselorandherthots.blogspot.com/

rethots said...

....and there i was knocking and waiting patiently at her door. *thinking* she will soon come out.

Confessions of a London gal said...

LMAO!!! Me thinks i am gonna copy ur registry idea o...cos really the only thing worse than a dog mauling a Valentine is that Valentine buying d wrong gift...cos i wud make him wish a dog mauled him! Lol...
Unless of cos u love 'em...you know how we 'acccept' things cos of love...

P.S I did miss you- where were u?

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Sho, it wasnt me it was the devil speaking lol forgive me sweets.

Shubby, never mind Sho, u and i know who truly is first

Doll, thanks

Secret Diary, translation translation translation.

Miz Cynic, lol i know I owe you guys a story

Smaragd, girl are you are skinny bitch? Hope it wasnt you in that queue or else i will go all ghetto on your bony ass lol

La Reine,dont sympathise with his thigh what about my lousy card Lol

Clnmike, ha ha ha I hope you arent a card buying so and so too.

Temite, girl if you had seen the card you would have personally eaten him whole too.

Scribble me free, how would u like a free second hand valentine card to raise your temperature lol

Baroque, my sentiments exactly.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

GeeBee, March 14 it is, watch this space bet it will be another card.

Afrobabe, poor boy? how about poor me?

Naija Bloggers Award, thanks for the link I have already voted.

Laughter, missed you too sis, I will be all over your blog like a rash

iheart, LOL you funny.

Buttercup, missed you too sweets whats this i hear about you and Chari

Nefertiti, hey babes missed you too will be right over to yours

Lulu, can I get a replacement valentine boo?

Bombchell, lol hinted bombchell hinted lol

Tigeress, I dont know how he is but the rottweiller is still recovering from post traumtic stress

Rethots, Im coming, Im coming!!!!!!

Confessions of a london girl, yes we ought to patent the idea I have had enough of lacklustre gifts.