'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I really really R.E.A.L.L.Y love my Mama (honestly)

I know I haven't been here in a while I blame google for making me choose a password I completely forgot and I blame my mama too. Speaking of which.....If you were to ask me how I feel about my mama, I would probably rattle off the politically correct answer “shes my best friend”, “on her i can depend always”, “the one I trust”, I would die for her blah blah blah and if I'm really and truly under the influence (we talking 40% alcohol here not ‘no added sugar’ pineapple cordial lol) I might add that vomit inducing quote............ “if i could change a thing about you mama I wouldnt’t change a single thing blah blah blah ”. you get the drift right? All lies i tell you, First of all if you are new to my blog, before you get all judgemental up in here, let me break a few things down to you about mama. She is NOT my best friend, in fact she is not my friend period! She is just mama, not a pal, not a mate not a bff but just mama. Before you get judgemental (again)the feeling is absolutely mutual, she often screams (and this is a direct quote minus the loud booming voice) “Ms DM don't play with me I'm not your friend ooh, play with someone your age, or else i will tattoo that behind ooh” (see it doesn't get more mutual than this lol.)

As for not changing a thing, boy who am i kidding. Trust me if I had the chance I would (for those living in the UK) property-ladder, grand design, home improve ( or whatever makeover programme is out there) tweak my mama. Gone will be the Shambock wielding woman who dances dangerously close to a culpable homicide charge when she tries to put you on the straight and narrow. Trust me when mama is done with you you will be more bent and crooked than the time she began working on your mother literally loves me with a vengeance lol. My relationship with mama is like travelling on a budget no frills airline. It generally does what it is supposed to do but once in a while it surprises you with a whole lot of nasty shocks, like £20 for airport check in, £10 per bag for hold luggage, and another £5 for paying by credit/debit card. Mama is sneaky like that, you constantly feel like you’ve been punked least with easy-jet/ bmi/ryanair its all in the small print, with mama she makes the rules as she goes on like a typical African dictator, nah forget it there is nothing remotely typical about my mama lol.

As for dying for mama, if truth be told that's definitely a moot point. If a gun tooting yob was pointing his weapon of mass destruction (a gun people lol) at me and mama and says ‘hey you two decide who we kiss es-ta lavista baby to’ I'm not sure that like a loyal and loving daughter i would necessarily volunteer my self for this virtuous deed. Call me Judas Iscariot or morbid but seriously speaking wouldn't it make more sense morally and all for mama to be the sacrificial lamb? I mean shes been there done that and wore the t-shirt until it turned from white to grey with age lol, shes had the husband, the jet setting lifestyle, the six figure salary and 4 children who haven't turned out half bad (yes me included lol). It would be quite selfish I would think if she refused to be the Isaac to my Abraham ( any non Christians see me).

Speaking of “the one i would trust/ depend on” it would only be in a life or death situation like plucking me from a burning house, or dragging me from under a bus for anything else hmmmm she would totally betray me even without the prospect of financial gain Ala Judas Iscariot. My mother would be the first to ask the head to expel you from school for indecent exposure(never mind that the ‘indecent exposure’ consisted of letting your first junior high school boyfriend have a peak at your budding nipple-less mini boobs during PE lol (no that wasn't me thankfully it was my sister from the same mama and if you are in doubt check her behind for the evidence.......its called death by shambock lol).I wont pretend (like many of you do lol) that I'm best friends with mama. Rue my real best friend who is no relation what so ever to mama is the one I tell all about my secret fantasy about Dr Black our family GP who at 49 is nearly twice my age, the one I disclose the drunken snog with a random stranger, the one i give a no holds barred account of my lucky escape from a potential 3 someone after a game of truth or dare, Rue the one best friend is the only one I would be brave enough to tell about my hot secret date with my mama’s personal assistant. See telling a real best friend like Rue has no repercussions, she would probably hoot with laughter and trade my stories with her own kinky, dirty, often slutty ones which border on illegal lol . Now that's a true best female friend. Now my mama who is NOT my best friend would literally castrate me if i tried to confess to such sh*t (Thank God shes not my best friend and I don't have a d**k lol). But she would definitely hurl me in front of the local priest so that he could baptise such demonic behaviour out of me......I ain't no psychologist but clearly this is not Best Friend behaviour lol.

Disclaimer (Just in case mama is lurking somewhere in Blogsphere lol). Now Mama you know better than to believe everything you read especially from an amateur blog which fewer than 5 people ever read . You know you and I are much closer than the 3000miles currently between us. I love you mama and that's not only on mothers day. I really really really really really really really R.E.A.L.L.Y do, so don't you dare let anyway slash any blog (this one included ) convince you otherwise lol. Its been too long Blogsvile I,ve missed you all.


mizchif said...

It's really, really, really R.E.A.L.L.Y been long.

How've you been?
You just fell off the radar after your SA trip.

Myne said...

yayyyy!!! She's back. I was wondering if you were gone for good.

I think you really love your mother. Honestly. LOL. My mum is not my friend too. But we love them none the less.

Favoured Girl said...

You must love your mum, you write about her a lot :)

My mum is not my friend too, in fact we never used to get on until recently, but I can never have another mother.

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

lol@ the Disclaimer.
You sure love that woman and would not trade her for some one else.

Welcome back!!!

TaioFierce Ameen said...

lol.... ur mam as suffered if she sees diz blog u ll b walloped

tunrayo said...

lol. if this isnt love, wat is?

ShonaVixen said...

Oooooh my girl is back!!!Ndeipi??? Where the heck have u been??
Hmmm you do know that disclaimer wouldnt even save u from a good ol walloping right???

flabby said...

i dont believe you're back until at least 5 more posts in quick sucession. btw- 'mama' seems to be a recurring theme these days.


bArOquE said...

ah where & how have you been? good to hear from you after this long's 'mama' doing?...& mama, FYI a lot more than 5 people read this blog.LOL

Anonymous said...

You had me in stitches! I am so relieved I am not the only who is not bestfriends with her mother and has no intention of ever doing so!

I love the Ryanair analogy!

Giagerry said...

Welcome bk!
except its dose kind of coming bk and leaving again...den still welcome!

lmao..@ ur mama!
U really love her dont u!

Shubby Doo said... day u'll be the mama and little miss dm will be telling it like it is with u after u ask her teachers in england to flog her as punishment for the love note she passed to her bf in class...these things go round and round girl

come where did you disappear to? one day i will come and find u up there? dont doubt it o! hope u're good...yeah of course u were missed

doll (retired blogger) said...

this is how you used to write intitially..i always had to read twice to get the gist...welcome back..hw have u been

Anonymous said...

We all sure love our mothers in peculiarly unique ways.

"...amateur blog which fewer than 5 people ever read ." sorry, yeah right. Just 5(0) people at least.

Apinke said...

its really REALLY been so long. glad to have u back.

u n ur mom sha, u just love that woman too much abi?

lol @ ur disclaimer, sometimes mothers really feel like they are omni-everywhere! eyes in the back etc are we gonna be like that too? we sometimes become our mothers.

Parakeet said...

Shambock wielding woman who dances dangerously close to a culpable homicide charge when she tries to put you on the straight and narrow.

sorry that just made me really laugh. I love this post.

~Sirius~ said...


I have permission from your mama to whoop your behind!
you've been away tooooo long!

Glad you got your password back.

And we love you MaMa!

Writefreak said...

Ah...ok is that last paragraph for her benefit or ours? lol...i'm sure you love her!
Welcome back!


just checking in. Hoping all is well!

velvet said...

sweet mama. happy 4 u

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Mizchif, its good to be back, i have been busy with work and been quite ill but im getting there

Myne Whitman, its good to be back but im getting quite rusty at blogging maybe need to do it more often

Favoured Girl, even if you wanted to you could never have another mother lol but i knw what you mean

The girl with the red hair,its good to be back I have a lot of catching up to do.

TaioFierceAmeen, so far so good I dont think mama is as computer savvy as she likes to pretend. lol

Tunrayo, bitter sweet love

Shona, hey girl I see you are 'still busy and might be annoyed if disturbed lol ...the stuff google comes up with ayah.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Flabby,i really have neglected this blog i need to make more effort, how have you been though? missed you guys a lot

Baroque, are you trying to get me killed?????? you could be jailed as an accomplice you know?

My bestfriends little sister, welcome to blogsville hun even though im several months too late, better late than ever

Gee, i know i have been away for too long,how have you been?

Shubby Doo,no child of mine will date until they are 37, why would they need a man when they have a stunning mama like me to keep them company.

Doll, will try not to write webby posts but my brain is as confused as my posts (usually) so you will have to forgive me.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Omotee, yeah thats why we are our mothers children so that we can metarmorphise (sp) into them.

Rethots, you mean 05 right lol

Parakeet, trust me if you were the one being walloped it would be no laughing matter

Sirius, girl missed you sooooooooo soooooooo much, did i tell you how much i missed you? Well I missed you sooooooooo sooooooo much its good to be back.

Writefreak, hers lol (lets just hope she doesnt read the comments page.

Solomonsydelle, thanks for checking in, how are you and the boys?

Sunnyside, i wouldnt use the word sweet to describe mama, unless I was talking to her face to face lol.

Afrobabe said...

OMG, you sure you didn't mean my mum??

Rayo said...

u took d words outta my mouth jare. my mom aint my friend at all, she's my mother, end of story.

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