What The Fu*k!??!! (when love is not blind but ridiculously shortsighted)

Have you ever thought of, met, looked at a picture of, reminisced about an x boyfriend and thought What the fcuk was i thinking dating this guy? You know, that point when your rose tinted glasses are broken/removed and you can see him clearly as the loser, jerk, lazy ass, serial cheater, violent thug, user , chancer, or good for nothing jobless sh*t that he was? Okay maybe nothing quite so drastic but you realise anyway many moons after the relationship is over that you definitely were shortchanging yourself in a number of ways and that you most certainly deserved and could do better? Well if you haven't, I have.

Some of them x’s are dead funny, you can laugh it off as ‘I was young and foolish’ or I didn't know better, but some of them ain't so funny, when he gets arrested for rape , or you hear he beats up his wife or he now has 6 children from 5 different baby mamas, or he is dying of HIV or its ten years down the line (since you split up) and he still cant hold down a decent job or he spends 23 hrs at the local pub stone drunk or his doing time in jail for supplying class A narcotics, then you get goosebumps on your flesh coz suddenly you think OH MY FCUKING BALLS that could have been my husband!!!!!!! It is at that moment that you do your happy dance, breathe a sigh of relief or thank God for not always granting prayers and thank him for sometimes dragging us out of potential ‘fires’ or ‘frying pans’ even though we fervently prayed for him to let us be yoked to these potential frying pans till death do us part? Who knows, what type of lives we would be leading right now yoked to these WTF kind of dudes?

Sometimes we are so eager to be with someone, to make things work simply because we 'love' them that we become ridiculously short sighted and live for the day forgetting to think realistically whether in reality you could actually spend the rest of your life with a man who is drunk every night or who cant hold down a steady job or who has been into bother with the law again and again. I don't believe that love is blind coz 97% of the times we are aware that he is a violent man, a drunkard, controlling etc but we just tend to brush it aside thinking he will change, its just a phase or its not really important......wait until you have three kids together who need getting fed and clothed and he spends all your income on booze or you are in the A and E night and day from the bruises that he will have given you and then you can tell me whether you still think its 'not important'. My aunt taught me something important, (not that I have always followed her advice) never date a man who you can never envisage as a potential reliable father to your 'children' Or rather do we foolishly believe that love conquers all whether that 'all' is drink, drugs, unemployment, irresponsibility, infidelity or recklessness? I must admit love does conquer some some things and some problems but when it comes to some of these problems that we expect 'love' to conquer.....hell even Napoleon's armies would be lucky to come out of the battle alive.

Generally I am proud of my X’s, proud of who they are, what they have managed to achieve, and the possibility that by being in their life for a year or maybe two, I might have some how contributed positively to the successful man that they have become. However I do have an X that I wish I could discount when I'm tallying up my bedpost notches, the one that I would be too embarrassed to introduce to any of my current friends real virtual or even imaginary, the one that will always make me change direction when I see him coming, the one that i try by all means possible to refer to as an old friend instead of as one of my X’s. The one who gives me a WTF moment every time I meet him, think of him, or see his picture.

My WTF X boyfriend did not do anything quite as drastic as having 6 baby mamas, do time as a guest of Her Majesty’s prison service or get arrested for a sexual offence....his crime was failing to make something of himself....okay lemme explain a Lil bit before you label me shallow. We started dating I was 18 he was 19, first love first fcuk first kiss first everything, i loved him when he had nothing he loved me when I had nothing, he gets his first job as a cashier in Burger King I get mine as a support worker , 1 year down the line we still dating I get into law school he's still at the checkout in Burger King, a year later I'm in second year law school his still at the checkout in Burger King. A year later exactly 3 years since we started dating we split up nothing to do with him being at Burger King, a lot to do with him being violent and all but that's a story for another day.

So roughly 4yrs since i knew him I got a law degree and he was still at burger King. To cut a long story short I go off to do my postgrad studies and all and get a full time professional job dude is still at Burger King not even promoted to floor manager working with 16/17year olds a grown ass man aged 27 who has no ambition what so ever in his life (I have nothing against working at a fast food restaurant after all they to have corporate ladders that you can climb).

So every time one of my mates walk into his branch of Burger King and see my WTF dude there , they always make it a point to give me a ring to rub it in, making silly jokes like had i been married to him i would be entitled to free burgers or happy meals for nearly 9 years running and all i can think is WTF......Okay i must admit though that there was a time i didn't feel this way, a time when I was seriously in love with him, a time that i wanted to spend the rest of my earthly life and my eternal one as well yoked to this guy........but that is way way way back in the past and as for now all I feel when I see him, think about him or am reminded of him is What the Fcuk, WTF, WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS for the record (just so that i don't get hassled by the men in here,)am sure that there are WTF kind of girls out there too.