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MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Saturday, December 13, 2008

'Only a fool breaks his own heart'

You Are A Fool glitters
I have never considered myself to be completely/absolutely, undeniably stupid or foolish. But occasionally if i was to rate my behaviour on a scale of 1-10, 1 being extraordinarily clever and 10 being utterly foolish, well I guess would rate at about 9.6 (and that's me being incredibly lenient with myself lol).I have learnt through the events of the past three weeks that there comes a point when sharing stops being caring and just becomes plain foolishness/stupidity especially when the shared thing in question is called a man.

I have always had this annoying (now I realise incredibly foolish) habit of trying to push my ex boyfriends on to my friends. I guess I had some warped philosophy that if he turned out to be wrong for me but right for one of my friends then it wasn't a pointless 5 months, 1 year or 3 year but that God was using me for some higher cause and it wasn't my flaws that pushed him away (hey i did mention warped didn't I lol).

anyway so two weeks ago i decided to try and force an X of mine onto a friend, now normally this has never worked for the obvious reasons cause who in their right mind would
a) want a girlfriend hooked up by their x who may or may not have a vendetta
b) want a man who is their friends reject, coz why else would he have been dumped if he didn't have a million and one flaws?
c)this screams desperation and no one wants to be seen as desperate (even if they are really desperate).
But on this occasion luck (so i thought then) was on my side. Friend of a friend had been single for a considerable length of time and X boyfriend.......well i didn't know much about x boyfriend we stopped talking (or rather i stopped taking his calls) many moons ago.

Anyway so i spend the whole day and most of the evening extolling the virtues of the X boyfriend. I lied, i exaggerated and i unashamedly made up information where I didn't have a clue. So it worked by the end of the evening friend of a friend was drooling at the mouth, eyes watering , savouring the thought of bagging X boyfriend. She asked me for his number and literally called him then and then, girl wasn't taking any chances, i felt like saying slow down b*tch, this ain't a rush for the last drumstick on the plate but i held my breath. So they talked the whole night, and the morning after, and the whole afternoon, it was then that i started having slight misgivings that this wasn't such a good idea after all.....but unfortunately the horse had already bolted.

Friend of a friend kept calling me to thank me and ask for advice tips of what he likes blah blah blah, part of me wanted to sabotage the whole thing, and well the other part just really wanted to be happy for them, you know 'the whole God is using me for a higher cause bullsh*t'. the guy was pulling out all the stops, freshly plucked roses by next day delivery, chocolates and sexy lingerie under pillows (got my friend to sneak it in) , handwritten notes and lil poems (okay i knew he was a hopeless romantic but WTF when did he start writing letters???I felt like picking up the phone and having a go like 'hey you never wrote to me!!!! I started having niggling doubts like 'maybe i was too hasty breaking up with the dude', 'maybe i took him too much for granted and never realised all he had to offer ' now here he was taking friend of a friend all the way to the moon and back' damn it could have been me in the cockpit of that space ship.

Friend of a friend then decided to call me, they were finally going to meet last Monday and boy was she so excited. She went on and on about how cool he was, how romantic he was, how sexy his voice sounded blah blah blah (at this point I had stopped listening, all i wanted to scream was 'yeah I know all that I bloody dated the dude for a whole year remember!!!. She decides to end the call by stating 'You must be a fool to have let him go, cause he seems such an incredible guy'

Then my friend calls me, and diplomatically asks if i would get rid of the photo album as its not really appropriate for me to still keep it given the circumstances. (in case you don't know I have a whole album full of photos me and the X boyfriend took on a romantic break away. I haven't disposed of the album simply cause
a) i look stunning in all the photos lol and
b) I had fun on that holiday, an incredible time so why should i throw away all my photos coz she feels uncomfortable, hell if she was uncomfortable with me having dated him surely she should not have agreed to date him too.

Anyway so on Wednesday they met, and apparently it didn't go so well. My friend informed me that my X for some reason or other (i will not speculate lol) decided that all he wanted was just to be friends blah blah blah. the calls have nearly all but stopped, there are no more chocolates or poems under her pillow, guess she will have to wear the sexy lingerie for someone else( lol am not gloating but if truth be told im incredibly relieved). Needless to say now friend of a friend and my friend were mad at me, apparently they think i set her up or something. She was ranting on the phone to me ' you knew he was an ass why were you hooking me up blah blah' (talk about being ungrateful, was she not the one a few days ago claiming that I was a fool to let him go??

I haven't cried in a long time but I cried when i got off the phone, not because I still love him, its strange i never really loved the guy, nor did i want him back, nor does he make my list of the top boyfriends ever to grace the earth, but i cried all the same. I cried coz of my photo album, I cried coz this situation was becoming incredibly complicated, i cried coz i realised that only a fool by her actions breaks her own heart. I'm genuinely sorry for her though cause i too thought that they had a good thing going (I cried remember) but on a positive note at least I get to keep my photo album lol.

Anyway we are somewhat cool now. We all met yesterday and were able to laugh it off somewhat. But never again will I attempt to do something so foolish as to try and hook up my friends with an X boyfriend, coz ..........................


ps: Santa please hurry with those giant ear muffs, Johhny and his girlfriend are now invading my dreams!!!!!!!!!!!!

45 comments:

rayo said...

sweetheart, yup u neva should have, that is lyk a recipe for disaster. on this chic tho i dont totally blame u, she also threw caution to the wind. at least u guys r cool now...

Funms-the rebirth said...

ive missed u........... off to read!

Funms-the rebirth said...

sorry hun........ it wasnt ur fault the dude wasnt feeling her again. u did her a favour, what happened to her telling u that u must have been a fool to let him go, cuz homeboy has changed, now her tune changed????????? glad u guys worked it out tho.... stop that philosophy o, dont go hooking ex's with ur friends jare. its too complicated.........xxx

K said...

My dear I feel bad that you cried over it but at least you have learnt a valuable lesson. Hooking up exe's with friends bad idea. You can't win. Its either they hit it off really well and you are left wondering why dude did not treat you as well and then the girl might even try to cut ties with you or on the other hand it doesnt work out. In that case everyone points to you for blame. But I am glad everything worked out because you had good intentions!

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

lol @ the giant ear muffs...are u shure it will help!!!

Shubby Doo said...

1. you shouldn't have done that...bad bad bad
2. your friend and friend of a friend are the fools to be mad at you... so wipe away your tears...
4. She asked you to get rid of the photo album...and they were not even dating...someone has issues

p.s
i'm glad you can all laugh about it now...the lesson i learnt from this is...Miss DM should stop looking for wahala o when it has left her jejely alone :-P

Just...Toluwa said...

ex + current/past friend= NO,NO and NO.

CurvyGurl said...

Exes are off limits. I wouldn't have gone out with the guy no matter how much my girl thought it would be a good idea.

Anonymous said...

It never works. I've learned you can feel jealous even when it involves someone you don't wanna be with. Take a workmate of mine, lovely girl, great personality, always had the sense (correction - always been 100% certain) that if I asked her out she would say yes. Never would bring myself to do it for many reasons, some of them deep and some of them shallow. Yet when someone else started expressing interest in her and she reciprocated, I felt pangs of pain.

I'd like to think I was envious of the other dude for not being as shallow as me, or for not having having the fear of jumping into a relationship because he didn't have to worry about it ending badly. Sometimes it's just envy that someone made it work where you failed Or took a chance where you chickened out.

IDK said...

i missed u oo!! lol dat story was sumwat funny u've got to admit :P I'm glad u guys can laugh about it or are tryin to anywayz...however awkwardly..hehehe:P

bArOquE said...

ow, Johnny again? hehehehe...poor you...maybe you should booty-call an X...well, i can understand the emotional side of this drama but really you must have a reason (besides telling us it was a warped idea) for pushing ur exs to your friends...

on 2nd thots, why did that not ever happen to me...free loot

Red Sapphire said...

ex with friend gini....how are u feeling....long longest tyme.i'll be back to leave a leave a befitting comment.

po said...

shame it is not your fault it didn't work out, and it was none of her business about the photo album

ShonaVixen said...

hey!!!At least you've learned a lesson on this hon, never pass off your ex's to those you know!! And poor you still hearing Johnny n his girl...lol

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Funms, missed you too chicca. you are right it is partly her fault coz she just ran away with the whole idea without thinking about it. Maybe she was too desperate and the X sensed that, coz you know guys hate that in a woman.

rayo, I should have talked to you before i opened my foolish mind, maybe you could have knocked some sense into it.

K, now i definitely know thats a no go area, but knowing my foolish mind (it hardly learns a thing) I will be probably back here in a couple of months crying coz i tried it again and it didnt work again lol

ShubbyDoo, you know my life is meaningless with out some wahala to spice it up, lol but seriously I shouldnt have done that. Glad someone agrees with me about my photo album, my current X didnt mind me keeping it(so i assumed anyway) so why should i dispose of it now that im single??? but on second thoughts maybe i ought to get rid of it......

Just Toluwa, dont i know that now !!

Curvygurl, i was a tad surprised she agreed to go out with him, coz i have tried to do this for years with some of my friends and they just wouldnt go there.

Anonymous, now i know to stay clear of trying to play cupid with my friends and an ex. I guess it was that whole thing about them 'working out' made me question my judgement about how terrible i had thought he was. Its almost like some one taking a piece of junk you discarded and making a beautiful sculptor out of it, and you think 'really did you make this out of that? But it was 99.9% their fault coz they kinda ran away with the foolish idea. LMAO at the "100% certain" confidence is definitely sexy.


IDK, missed you too babes *insert loads of cyber hugs here* I did see the funny side of it like the way the phonecalls and all just suddenely stopped after they met. It would shatter myself confidence though if i met a guy face to face after chatting on the phone for hours and he stopped calling....i wold be agonising about whats wrong with me for days on end. Thankfully that has never happened to me yet.

Baroque, booty call an ex??? that would be the most expensive booty call ever considering my Ex lives about 5000 miles (completely random guess) away. Besides I would rather have a one night stand than a booty call coz sex with ex's can be downright messier than hooking up an ex with a friend. guess i will just have to be content with those giant ear muffs lol

red Sapphire, girl where have you been?? Now that you got yourself that big ass bank job you got no time for us abi? lol jus tripping missed you girl.

Po, thank you for agreeing with me about my photo album. I really thought it was out of order not to mention a bit hasty for her to suggest i put it in a bonfire when they werent even 'dating'

Laughter said...

Hell no babes, ni bo.... y would you want to do that. He is an ex for a reason. She herself was silly to go out with him in the first place. But y d tears my dearest... Abeg dry your tears at least u get to keep the photo album...lol.
u too leave wahala alone o my dear...

Rita said...

Hope you've dried your eyes...from the lessons you've learnt, i think your next moves will place you on 1 on the scale.

Tell Johnny there is something called "Live and Let Live".

badderchic said...

There's no use rubbing it in now is there?

hope you alright babe.

azuka said...

I haven't had any, but from what I've heard ex-es are dangerous game.

Have you and your friend made up?

Lolia said...

Awwwww don't worry...sometimes I look back on some of the things I do and I'm thinking even a 10 on the foolishness scale wouldn't do it...for real...You just have to learn to move past all these things and forgive yourself and what not...Anyway glad that you were all able to hang out and stuff...Everything will be forgotten {else will move the very very very back of all of your minds} soon...xx

aloted said...

am glad u have taken responsibility for your actions and learnt from it..but pls dont add that of your ex or ur friend and friend's friend as they are responsible for their own actions.

here's a cyber hug from me.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Shona, Girl I learnt the hard way. But i guess we are all cool now. Its a shame I dont talk to the Ex no more but I would have told him off big time for the way he treated 'friend of a friend' blowing hot and cold like that was sooo out of order.

Laughter, so true sis, maybe its coz im bored ('an idle mind is .....). ps: please buy me a pair of giant ear muffs or else me and JOhnny are going to fight oh.

Rita, i think i have now moved up the scales never again will i find myself at 9.6 lol. Johnny and his girl are looking for wahala from me, or maybe i need a man, but hang on I dont need a man coz i wont be able to stick to this celibacy thing, ah well guess will just have to buy those ear muffs lol

Badderchic, I fine now and can laugh about it, but it nearly caused some serious wahala.

Azuka, yeah we have made up somewhat, anyway me and friend of a friend were not really friends so it doesnt really matter whether she is still secretly fuming inside or not lol.

Lolia, I guess we all have to be accountable for our actions, she shouldnt have acted so desperate either and thrown cation to the wind.

Aloted, thanks for the cyber hug dear, all i take responsibility for is making the foolish suggestion that they date, as for the rest (the sexy lingerie, blah blah blah) that was thier own desperation I beg lol.

Jinta said...

what? do people still have those non-stop conversations on phones?

bArOquE said...

5000miles? no vex...then hook up with Johnny...LMAO...seriously, lesson learnt, good for you

LG said...

Toluwa don talk am finish o :)
Merry xmas dear'

Afrobabe said...

lol @ a million and one flaws?
Ok, yes you were a little foolish to have gotten them together and she was even more foolish for agreeing...

You would have been crying everyday if the relationship had worked out so thank your God quietly and be a soldier...

doll said...

i am of the school of thought that the ex shouldnt be a friend..but then i have no ex boyfriend...but if boo & I happen to break up...i would want a clean sharp break and i wouldnt want him to date any of my friends either

rethots said...

...and you were on a noble mission.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Baroque, lol if santa doesnt bring those ear muffs, it will just have to be a case of if you cant beat them.......

Jinta, yes they do.

LG. merry christmas to you too babes

Afrobabe, true i know i would have felt worse if they had worked out.

Doll, you dont hav an ex? lucky you hope it stays that way.

rethots, noble but foolish lol

Bondgirl said...

Hey babe, you know how I do, I disappear and come back. Hey that ungrateful twat she got lingerie and chocolates and was whispered sweet nothings to sometimes we should appreciate the good. If you are not doing anything with your exe's and they have matured in recent times why not pass them off.

Nefertiti said...

I've been here. I'll be back ``

~Sirius~ said...

Awww! This was funny and not funny at the same time.

I'm glad it's over now, I'm pretty sure you felt so much better after the tears (I always do :-)).

MDM- I pray this is your Last year of love issues- have a happy 2009.

SANTA!!!! pls deliver ear muffs asap! We don't want free porn!

Jarrai said...

My dear she went in there willingly ooo..so don't blame yourself. Me myself am way too jealous to hook my exes with friends...green eye monster come out!!!

Santa...give the woman ear muffs :)

YoungBlackBeauty said...

WOW! Thats str8 crazy! I wish you would have asked us first so cuz I knew it was going down hill when you first mentioned it! But hey, it could have been worse. Life goes on.

But dud was whack for leading her on though. He prolly saw her and was like oops never-mind!

Brothers Blog said...

Yeah unfortunately those type of situations never ever work out. And for the exact reasons you stated. Jealousy can rear it's ugly head when you least expect it to. But it probably worked out best for you the way it ended. Who knows what kind of madness it could have been if they stayed together.

And Johnny is at it again huh? LMAO. Poor you.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

I guess you know this now...but that was a disaster waiting to happen. Never hook up a friend with an ex...it can never go well. If they end up loving each other-your bound to get jealous...and if they hate each other, it's all your fault.

Sorry you had to go through all this. We live and we learn!

How are you otherwise though? Lol@ Johnny and co still being at it! Thank God im not at home...because with all the cold and what not, my neighbours would have been tormenting me!

Lisa said...

Very bad combination..... I just let nature takes its cause when it comes to stuff like that. Sorry u had to cry tho......

Buttercup said...

that sucks....im sure u had good intentions....glad y'all cud laugh about it eventually!

i pray santa grants ur request..

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Bondgirl, LMAO @ if you are not doing anything with your ex. I dont have a thick skined enough heart to be able to successfully pull that off (i learnt the hard way) so no more passing on ex's for me

Lisa, it taught me a lesson never again.

Jarrai, i never thought i was jealous but you sould have seen me turning luminous green

Youngblackbeauty,yeah i definitely should have coz i wold have saved myself a lot of drama

Brothersblog, true im sure if it had worked out i would have been more miserable and shiiiii not to mention getting rid of my photo album

NigerianDramaQueen, true I have learnt.....JOhnny seems to have an agenda oh, i dont know if he wants me to joing in or he is trying to drive me out of this aprtment.

~Sirius~ girl you always crack me up with your comments. love you and your great sense of humour.

Nerfetiti, please be back

Buttercup, hmmmmmm even up to now I dont know what my folish mind was trying to achieve.

AnkaraHotspot.com said...

Girl! You dont do that!!! Oh well, now you've learnt. Take care.

Tigeress said...

Babes, babes, BABES!!!! only you can say WHY in the world you wld do such a thing cos God knows- THERE IS NO NEED for such! U just dont hook up an ex with a friend. I know this girl was a friend's friend but still........THERE IS NO NEED. And if you have a friend who is willing to date your ex- i'm sorry u need to X that friend. I wld never date my friends ex.

As for the tears, pele......

flabby said...

boo! erm- i keep my x's as 'friends'..but hooking them up?? hell to the no!! hehe..ah well..ur lucky it dint wrk out! hope ur gud
xx

Oyin said...

hmm, really really interesting... I dont know if I ever want anything to do with my X after we have parted. But circumstances stands to differ. I am a really jealous person...and I dont want to hear how my X is doing neverless how sweet he is to another girl. I know exactly what you mean cos when I was dating someone and he started doing little cute ish...I was like wtf...but life goes on and only a foll can break his own heart. I like that...IM STEALING IT!!


*formally Kin'Shar

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

AnkraHotspot,to say 'i learnt my lesson' wld be the understatement of the year.

Tigeress, guess she was desperate, desperate times call for desperate measures lol

Flabby, so you mean you wouldnt pass on Foil or Mr T to me :-(

Oyin, hey did you just change your name or your whole blog, lemme go to yours to check.