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MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Lights, Camera, Penis ...........Idiots!!!!!

To all those bubble bursting so and so's (Shubby, Clnmike, Aloofar included) who claimed my 'almost' moment didn't count, I have decided to withhold the juicy details, now we will see if my almost moment isn't a big deal after all ha ha ha ha whose laughing now (LMAO!!!) I'm not completely heartless though, so in compensation I will tell you about some rather idiotic incident that happened a while ago. I know i wasn't born an idiot, I cried when the midwife slapped my bottom, I took to breastfeeding like I had read the manual, I never tried to taste my poo poo like the whole bunch of you when you were kids, and the only subject in which i had to cheat at exams was Maths, so I'm convinced that my transition to idiocy most have happened overnight i probably got struck struck by lightening and in a flash turned from reasonably intelligent to thick, for how else would you explain the episode that happened below?

PS: names have not been changed to protect the identity of the two idiots involved.

(its 11pm, I'm bored, in bed alone twiddling my thumbs, tryin unsuccessfully to count sheep when my phone rang)
ms DM: hello
Spence (idiot 1) : hey Miss DM its been ages
(now me and Spence have been friends since forever, we grew up together)
ms DM (idiot 2): hey Spence, where have you been hiding?
***insert plenty of small talk***

Mr idiot 1: I'm bored
Ms idiot 2: me too (note to self an idle mind is the devil's workshop)

(Ms idiot 2 starts giggling)
Idiot 1: hey idiot 2 whats funny

idiot 2: nothing idiot 1
Idiot 1: come on idiot 2 we have been friends for ages, why are you laughing

Idiot 2, its nothing i swear (idiot 2 starts giggling again)
Idiot 1, now that's really unfair coz i think you laughing at me

Idiot 2: don't be silly, okay I was just thinking back when we were all kids and we used to show each other our bits (insert more giggling here)
Idiot 1:(insert a lot of laughing out loud) we were stupid then, but then we were young and innocent

Idiot 2 : well I'm still young and innocent.
Idiot 1, ha ha ha ha so you are saying you would still show your bits?

Idiot 2, if i wanted to yes, now wouldn't it be funny if we compared our bits sought of like before and after (more foolish giggling)
Idiot 1: LOL that would be funny

idiot 2: show me yours
Idiot 1: are you crazy how??????????

idiot 2: just show me.......send me a picture message or something and i will send you one
Idiot 1: lol okay hold on

Idiot 2: seriously?????????
Idiot 1, yeah why not we are friends aren't we ?

idiot 2, (insert more foolish giggling )am waiting
Idiot one: have you received it yet?

idiot 2 : still waiting.......
idiot 2: hold on I have a text message (starts giggling)
Idiot 2: i cant believe you actually sent it ha ha ha ha

idiot 1: what you laughing at? I'm more than averaged sized
idiot 2 :yes its very big but this is really naughty (not to mention incredibly foolish)

idiot 1: I'm waiting.........its your turn
idiot 2: say what????????????????????????

idiot 1: well we have a deal, you said show me and i will show you, so its your turn
idiot 2: (don't insert any more giggling, just a really uncomfortable silence) errrrrrrrrrrrrr but..

idiot 1: Idiot 2 don't you try and play me now.
idiot 2: my phone camera ain't working plus the lighting in here ain't good

idiot 1 : ( starts hurling abuse) you ain't playing fair
idiot 2: am sending , have sent (sent a blank pic)
idiot 1 (hurls abuse, loads of F words, C words and B words)you are a spoilt bitch, selfish c*nt, you feasted on my shit now you don't want to keep your end of the deal

idiot 2 N*gga i cant possibly show you my thing
idi0t 1 why the hell not

idiot 2: what if i get recognised,
idiot1: so you get recognised by your p*ssy now????? I'm not asking for a face jus your p*ssy dammit!!!!!!(insert loads of shouting)

Idiot 1 demands his pic back, which i resend, but then phones to say how does he know i deleted it from my phone, and that I have probably forwarded it to my friends and sh*t, he hurls some more abuse, (i hurl my own abuse) then he says he doesn't want to speak to me again and slams the phone down. (Idiot 2 has just lost a friend.)

WHY, HOW two adults over the age of 26 could absolutely engage in such foolishness I don't know but all i know is........... Hi my name is Ms DM and I'm an utter numpty.

68 comments:

Temite said...

I AM FURSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

po said...

Mwaha did this occur while you were sober? I would never send anyone a pic of my bits, but you didn't either so very clever of you to get a pic of his!

Temite said...

OK lets see...No comments for Idiot 1 . But IDIOT 2 on the is really idiotic. HEHHEHE. I cant believe he actually sent it. WOW. Alright have a great week Ms. DM.

Temite said...

Did you know Vera did the same thing?
Except she actually sent hers unsolicited sef. Yall are just nuts.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Temite, ha ha ha ha Vera did what???? But seriously i wasnt trying to trick him, it was just one of those moments......we all have them right?? I guess not lol

Po, errrrrr if i said I was drunk would that make me less of an idiot? ha ha ha guess i was drunk then.

Lolia said...

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
I can't stop laughing...That was so WRONG...Poor guy...But you too you're not serious my dear...Oh well at least you didn't send a picture...

Have a wonderful week dear!

Anonymous said...

LOL! I think you did him wrong by not holding up your part. Why did you chicken out AFTER he had sent his? If you couldn't follow through you shouldnt have started it or encouraged it at all... poor guy. LOL! I sha think you did him wrong.

Laughter said...

MDM, na wa for you o. You really like trouble don't u babes. I know u were not drunk when you were both talking about bits but he really is an idiot. Next time he won't do that again.
Leave wahala alone o babes.

Funms-the rebirth said...

lmao........ if u had sent urs, then i would have changed ur name from idiot 1 to something more appropriate cuz idiot will just be an understat...lol
but u brought the conv up sef, and y did he get so angry?????? oh well ur a trouble maker, teasing dude like that. bet he had plans for the pic already

~Sirius~ said...

WTH Mhen!

LOL,LMAO! Trying to picture the whole scenario.
So what?- The chic is suppose to take her phone and capture a nice photograph of her royal pathway??

Hell! Didn't he feel silly taking a picture of his willy and not only that, clicking on the send button.

ya'll (people involved) must have been really bored to tears or as high as F-ing Kites!

Ps: what's up with the serious abuses?

clnmike said...

LMAO!!

Now that was messed up, you knew you had no intention of sending that pic and he should have been smart enough not to send one first.

And I bet you didnt erase the pic either.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Lolia, lol actually i think i was serious when I asked, but then i came to my senses and thought WTF????????

Anon, ha ha ha ha okay i cheated but seriously did he expect me to follow suit, brazilian wax and all?

Laughter, you are right i certainly look for trouble even when its trying to hide from me

Funms the rebirth, ha ha you should try it some time, yeah he wanted to add my bits to his private porn stash mnxa.

Sirius, yeah we were bored to tears.....and we are complete idiots anyway so wont blame the boredom

FineBoy Agbero said...

ahhhhhhhh!!! Ojoro oooo!!!
It is not fair! I feel like joinin d dude in abusin u! LOL!!!
Now, dat's real idiocy from u both. Now, u don scatter am!

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Hilarious!

miz-cynic said...

how did i know tht would be agbero's response?mdm u be maaaaad chic...u now let the poor boy make a foool of himself...like wen i actually recorded a make-out session with the guy's phone and my suspicious self deleted it from his phone behind his back...just incase.

Dabizniz said...

Not fair a deal is a deal

Invisible said...

LMAO!!!Y'all are both idiots for real, lol.
But you cheated though, idiot 2. A deal's a deal. Remind me not to make a deal with you.

flabby said...

hahahahahaha
*doubles up in laughter and shakes head*

So this is what uve been up to-this and other 'almost' moments..hmmm

ibiluv said...

you both went too far i guess

you should have refused to see him since you knew you were not gonna go through with it.....cos even though you were laffing...you knew you were not gonna go thru.....

i'm yet to meet a man not proud of his penis....they like to show it off....anytime....anywhere...to whomever....

Tigeress said...

rotflmho!!! tell me u're pissing about and this conversation didnt really occur! I can't even believe he sent a picture of his bit. omd!!! u wld have been an idiot if u had sent urs Miss.DM so good thing that u didnt. There is no need. Even if dude was ur husband- there is NO NEED!!! lol!

I can't get over the fact he threw a tantrum becos u didnt send urs. u cld have sent something from the internet to him sha. lol!

Tigeress said...

Ibiluv, including the ones with little penis'?

Nefertiti said...

OMG, Ms. DM you made me log in, u crazy chica. Do u honestly swear that u were sobe during this convo, it sure sounds drunken to me. And idiot dude is even stupider (Is that a word?) like what in fracking earth is that? have a nice week, babes. Can't read this @ work ;-)

K said...

LMAO ....MDM ...methinks the man has done this before hence the eagerness to show you his without hesitation, probably has that picture saved somewhere...LOL

You and drama....and your friends seem to be dwindling, poor girl, we still love you...craziness and all...lmao

Jayla said...

una no well at all. lol

Jarrai said...

hahahahahah...please tell me this is not for real!!!

LOL@ him...ok i shouldn't laugh...girl why didn't you send him a small peek. He wanted a fair exchange...i hope you haven't deleted the pic..too valuable to just delete...hahahaha.

This is too funny
Oh god!! you're both too funny.

Hope you kiss and make up soon xx

Shubby Doo said...

*Mouth agape in horror*...words simply fail me...wtf...Miss DM u didn't play fair... not that I would have supported u sending the pic. Those things end up in the wrongs hand. Come aren't u 27 sef...what did u just clock jare?

Anyway as I was saying I heard of dude (let's call him X) who let his mate (Y) borrow his phone. Y stumbled upon a recording of the X and X's beloved wife to be doing the nasty. He chose to forward the film to himself as there was this interesting thing the babe does as she climaxes where the only holding her up is his member...a lot of guys have seen it but the poor guy X and X's gf don't know.

Shubby Doo said...

Idle hands indeed...u see if u had just sat down to type the almost post u would not have engaged in this madness...so to stop u from carrying out the devil's work, I suggest that u redeem yourself and type the post.

What?! I wan hear your jist jo!

OluwaDee said...

D thing is u already said its was utterly foolish of you guys.

But I find it really hard to comprehend what idiot 1 was thinking when he sent the pic?

Writefreak said...

I'm speechless!

Still can't comprehend...lol...brb. lemme go digest it!

AlooFar said...

"Idiot" is not the word! There should be a harsher word ;) lol.

mizchif said...

LMAO!

Numpty is too good a word oh u hear! The correct word hasn't been coined yet.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Clnmike, I did delete his pic honest, but only after i had scrutunised it from every angle.

Fineboy, ha ha ha no sane person would have believed i would have returned the favour

Curvygurl, at first i was joking, who would have thought he would take it seriously?

Ibiluv, no HE was the one who went too far, i was just playing along

Flabby, that and a whole lot more.

Invisible, lets make a deal....you email me a photo of your bits and i will email you a photo of mine lol

Dabizniz, trust a guy to come up with that statement.

Miz Cynic, that was a wise decision such things always end badly.

Nefertiti, I was sober but you are right im less of an idiot, but not normal either.

Tigeress, unfortunately it did occur wish i had kept the pic as evidence.

Mizchif, lol true, when you have found the correct word please let me know.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Aloofar, ha ha ha thats why i said im an utter numpty.

Writefreak, the sheer stupidity of it is beyond words.

Oluwadee, i bet he was thinking if i do she will reciprocate

ShubbyDoo, my lips are sealed, serves you right for saying my almost moment counted for nought.

Jarrai, girl im still waiting for that invite to your blog.

Jayla, I know i need help.

K, he is a serial idiot lol...true about losing friends and i always seem to do it in the most stupid manner ever, i should form a group friendless anonimous

Saved Girl said...

If he was as well endowed as you say, he probably thought you seeing what he was working with was going to push you over the edge and take ya platonic relationship to the next level, smile. you so burst his bubble...insert his obscenities now, great post.

Miss.Stefanie said...

I love this blog!!

Jarrai said...

girl i invited you!!
lemme go check...sorry chica, things just piling on me at the moment.

ShonaVixen said...

I refuse to leave a comment..there's a conspiracy..number Thirty-flipping what??...mmmmmmmcccccccccccccheeeeww!!!
and almost doesn't count!!M sure you kept that pic...oi what's happening here?M not commenting!!

Just...Toluwa said...

He really thot u were gonna send urs? wow! but then. y'all got too much time on ur hnds! lol!

and did he really get mad?

poeticallytinted said...

Show me I show you man no go vex! abi? lol. that was sooo funny. MDM chicken! see d guy swallowing saliva and everything only for you to chicken out, now why won't he be mad? lmao!
You will public the pic, nay? okay you could do it at Afro's, it's okay.

poeticallytinted said...

lol i meant, publish the pic at afro's...

aloted said...

speechless

Woomie O! said...

BIG FAT foolishness...but just one idiot...the other idiot is the smart one.lol.
I agree with P.Inclined, we should see the idiot's schlong!
lmao.


Loving ur blog!!!

bumight said...

ok, so that was a total "idiot-y" thing to do, but it would have been "idiot-er" if u had actually gone ahead and sent him a pic.

scenario 1: if u had emailed his pic to all ur friends, they would prolly have said "my! that guy is well hung" and maybe a few would have tried to take him off ur hands= incresed rep for him

scenario 2: if u had sent him a pic of ur kitty, and he sent it to his friends, u can do the math on all the names u would be called, couple that would try to tap that etc = less rep for u.

u did chicken out of a deal that wasnt cool sha.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Bumight, scenario's or no scenarios' I aint putting a picture of my coochie on the world wide web, sorry for idiot 1 it was a dead deal.

Saved Girl, LMAO, over confidence kills

Miss Stephanie, thanks for the love

poeticallytinted, ha ha ha you are salivating at the idea of catching a glimpse of that pic arent you? Unofrtunately i deleted.

Aloted, I completely understand its beyond comprehension.

Just-Toluwa, yes he was mad we no longer friends coz of it.

Jarrai, lemme check if i can now access your blog.....

Shona, i completely understand, anything out of the top ten is undignified lol

Woomie, unfortunately I didnt save the photo, maybe if there is ever a next time lol

Afrobabe said...

OMG, that pic looks like it belongs on my blog...lmao..

and like ibiluv said, they all love to show it off...they just dont know we have seen bigger and better ones...

Buttercup said...

lmaoooooooooooooooooooooo@ OMG!

but on the real, i'd never have considered u a chicken o..

lol @ him not talking to u again! wtf???

lulu said...

woah had to hide that pic from my boss seated directly opposite my pc...lol but you guys playing 'show me, i show you! hahahaha

exschoolnerd said...

hehehehehe..i cant stop laffing...

princesa said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha,
That pic you denied him must have meant quite a lot to the dude.

I think he was the idiot not you. You would have earned the name if u sent urs.

Bombchell said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

so wrong, so wrong. stop fighting with fire if u cant handle the heat. lol or one of those lines.

lol at being recognized!!!!!!!!!!!

Funms-the rebirth said...

im so sowwiieeeeeeeeee u know i love u so much.......... it was totally unplanned, and ive been waiting patiently on the queue but like they say, an idle mind is the .......... i was sitting down in my apt on that fateful sat......... when the dreaded Ex turned up...... so u see, unplanned but now im back on the queue, do i keep my position or go to the back of the line??????? sowwiieeee darling

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Im over the fact that he sent it but why did he get all first grader mad on you!

"Wou aint playing fair wha wha wha"

Ya'll a trip.

Brothers Blog said...

lmao. This was funny. But he's right I can't see them putting the P or D in a line up to identify it. lmao.

Good Naija Girl said...

Oh dear! I think the name for you (from a guy's perspective) would be a tease...though I think there was some innocence to it (though you'd be more innocent if you hadn't actually commented on the size of the "bit" showed in the pic. If you had just looked at it and been shocked, well then maybe I could take your side 100% lol). Yikes! What an incredibly awkward and embarrassing situation! I hope you don't run into him soon. You did say it happened a while ago so maybe he's forgotten all about it?

rayo said...

babe, how far now., u no try 4 d guy oh. hilarious. both of u need flogging sef

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Dammy said...

All I can say is what was he thinking?

I think there is one idiot here. Just one...

But on a second thought, haven't we all played the fool at some point in life?


Btw, I'll tell your Mom! LOl.

Original Mgbeke said...

CTFU (Cracking the Fork up), Jesus Christ...this post is straight up hilarious. I can just imagine ol' boy hurling those abuses over the phone.
Miss DM, you just made my noon. :-D

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Miss DM,
Your definately a piece of work!lol. Sha @ least you didn't send a pic back! The dude wasnt very bright sha...he should have insisted that you guys do it at the same time. LMAO!

Jinta said...

you are truly an idiot, but a very funny one. i like

Muse said...

what the heck were the both y'all thinking?

Geebee said...

I almost laughed to the very death! Now I think you guys are sooooo crazy. See height of joblessness o. Now, I wouldn’t call you an Idiot. I think you’re the smart one here and that bro is just so damn stupid. I could spit in his face if I had the chance to. He should have been smart enough to know no right thinking babe would send the picture of her honeypot so easily. . . and I’m too sure you didn’t delete that pix. Maybe you should delete it from your phone and your memory entirely so you’d feel less guilty. I doubt you’d feel guilty anyway. There’s no reason to. If there’s a reason for anything here, it’s a reason to laugh till your sides ache. Smartie you are.

Afrobabe said...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....OMG hahahhahahah RFLMAO...you just killed me...cant stop laughing here...hahhahahah

ManCee said...

OKAY
That was more curious than funny to me.
Then I NEED to speak for the brother man...YOU DIDNT PLAY FAIR
(perhaps he deserves an apology?)
I suspect I'd be incredibly flattered were someone to mail me their 'bits', incredibly...

Olutimehin said...

You are amazingly gifted at losing friends in the most idiotic yet entertaining ways possible...lol!! I swear I woke my whole house up laughing...
and Lol!@ YoungBlackBeauty...'wha wha wha!" Rofl!!

In6i said...

lmao!!!!!!

Wisefool said...

are u for real??? *insert some mad-ass laughter* jeez, u r sumfin. but seriusli, a deal is a deal, and u effed up big time. a firstie i am here, btw, but im won. u r rili sumfin.

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