'Wallop me Mama for I have sinned'......

I was awarded the 'honest scrap award by Poeticallytinted. (see bottom of post for a picture of the award which Poeticallytinted gave me because she thinks my blog’s content or design is brilliant (ha ha ha how can I not be bigheaded when I literally have a big head). Thank you so much PT for showing my blog some love, unfortunately since there are no interesting facts about Ms DM, instead of the 'ten honest things about me' I have decided to do a post on ten 'sins' I have honestly been walloped for by my mama 'the queen of corporal punishments'.

10 honest sins things about me that I have been walloped for

1. I nearly got expelled from Primary school aged 7 for writing an explicit letter with hand drawn pornographic images. My mother has never forgotten this and she tattoed scars on my behind so that neither would I.

2.I once got my mother to fire a new housegirl because she had too many pimples on her face and i refused to eat what she cooked. My father concerned that I was not eating got my mother to fire her. my mother walloped me in my father's abscence for being shallow then turned me into the 'housegirl' for the remainder of the school holidays.

3. My brother who was aged 7 at the time once got me (at age 13) to electrocute myself on a socket claiming that it would feel 'nice'. My mother tatooed his behind, his face and his back in her expert effortless fashion, screaming 'is this nice?' over and over again.Then tattoed my behind for being foolish enough at 13 to listen to a 7year old boy and nearly getting myself killed in the process.

4. I was once 'chucked out' of our local church together with my aunt for being 'inapporpriately dressed in miniskirts. My mother cleared all our wardrobes and threw away anything that was 'above the knees.' which loosely translated means 'she left us with no clothes that were not trousers, jeans or school uniforms.

5.My mother once made me and my cousin sleep (nearly the whole night)outside our front gate in a hailstorm for going on a date with a guy at the same restauramt that she happened to be at for a business lunch. After being made to sleep outside we were still walloped the next morning.

6. My mother once made me and my sister shambock each other (nearly to death) for her entertainment (not strictly true but painfully accurate). We had gone to our nieghbours house and ate dinner there (because it was chicken and rice) and we were sick of the vegetarian (sabbath) saturdays at my house. Stupidly we had arrived home with 'rice and chicken' stains on our clothes.

7. I once 'shared' a man with my cousin because she was not convinved I was telling the truth when I said that he was a very good kisser and an expert at 'touching' up a woman that I agreed to let her 'expierence' it for herself. My brother told my mother and she walloped me and my cousin for 'trying to run a prostitution ring in her compound.

8.On holiday at my grandmothers I once wrote a letter to my father complaining bitterly about her alleged (false) cruel treatment of us (my brother and I)so that my parents could come pick us up. My mother brought my grandmother the letter, read it out loud in front of her and several other people and still left me in her care.....the treatment became accurately cruel (and not false) for the duration of that holiday.

9. In kindergaten I once stole and eat another child's lunch of jallof rice....and was caught. My mother cooked two big pots of jallof rice and demanded that I finish them or else she would wallop me. I finished them.....she still walloped me expertly.

10. When still at nursery I was so ashamed of an uncle of mine that my mother had asked to drop me at school (because he had a beard and had also just arrived from the village) that i lied to him that 'adults' were not allowed on the school premises and asked him to drop me round the corner. The teacher sent my mother a letter asking why I had arrived at nursery unaccompanied. My mother (after asking said uncle why he had not taken me straight into my nursery class and he told her what I had said to him) realised what I had done and walloped me for being ashamed of my relatives.

As i am incredibly selfish and want to hold on to the award lazy I will bend the rules of the award by not list seven blogs I find brilliant because every blog on my blog list and (those that i have ever read/commented on) are brilliant. However I will tag the first person to comment on this post to write thier own 'ten sins I have committed' post.