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MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Thursday, March 19, 2009

'Wallop me Mama for I have sinned'......

I was awarded the 'honest scrap award by Poeticallytinted. (see bottom of post for a picture of the award which Poeticallytinted gave me because she thinks my blog’s content or design is brilliant (ha ha ha how can I not be bigheaded when I literally have a big head). Thank you so much PT for showing my blog some love, unfortunately since there are no interesting facts about Ms DM, instead of the 'ten honest things about me' I have decided to do a post on ten 'sins' I have honestly been walloped for by my mama 'the queen of corporal punishments'.

10 honest sins things about me that I have been walloped for


1. I nearly got expelled from Primary school aged 7 for writing an explicit letter with hand drawn pornographic images. My mother has never forgotten this and she tattoed scars on my behind so that neither would I.

2.I once got my mother to fire a new housegirl because she had too many pimples on her face and i refused to eat what she cooked. My father concerned that I was not eating got my mother to fire her. my mother walloped me in my father's abscence for being shallow then turned me into the 'housegirl' for the remainder of the school holidays.

3. My brother who was aged 7 at the time once got me (at age 13) to electrocute myself on a socket claiming that it would feel 'nice'. My mother tatooed his behind, his face and his back in her expert effortless fashion, screaming 'is this nice?' over and over again.Then tattoed my behind for being foolish enough at 13 to listen to a 7year old boy and nearly getting myself killed in the process.

4. I was once 'chucked out' of our local church together with my aunt for being 'inapporpriately dressed in miniskirts. My mother cleared all our wardrobes and threw away anything that was 'above the knees.' which loosely translated means 'she left us with no clothes that were not trousers, jeans or school uniforms.

5.My mother once made me and my cousin sleep (nearly the whole night)outside our front gate in a hailstorm for going on a date with a guy at the same restauramt that she happened to be at for a business lunch. After being made to sleep outside we were still walloped the next morning.

6. My mother once made me and my sister shambock each other (nearly to death) for her entertainment (not strictly true but painfully accurate). We had gone to our nieghbours house and ate dinner there (because it was chicken and rice) and we were sick of the vegetarian (sabbath) saturdays at my house. Stupidly we had arrived home with 'rice and chicken' stains on our clothes.

7. I once 'shared' a man with my cousin because she was not convinved I was telling the truth when I said that he was a very good kisser and an expert at 'touching' up a woman that I agreed to let her 'expierence' it for herself. My brother told my mother and she walloped me and my cousin for 'trying to run a prostitution ring in her compound.

8.On holiday at my grandmothers I once wrote a letter to my father complaining bitterly about her alleged (false) cruel treatment of us (my brother and I)so that my parents could come pick us up. My mother brought my grandmother the letter, read it out loud in front of her and several other people and still left me in her care.....the treatment became accurately cruel (and not false) for the duration of that holiday.

9. In kindergaten I once stole and eat another child's lunch of jallof rice....and was caught. My mother cooked two big pots of jallof rice and demanded that I finish them or else she would wallop me. I finished them.....she still walloped me expertly.

10. When still at nursery I was so ashamed of an uncle of mine that my mother had asked to drop me at school (because he had a beard and had also just arrived from the village) that i lied to him that 'adults' were not allowed on the school premises and asked him to drop me round the corner. The teacher sent my mother a letter asking why I had arrived at nursery unaccompanied. My mother (after asking said uncle why he had not taken me straight into my nursery class and he told her what I had said to him) realised what I had done and walloped me for being ashamed of my relatives.



As i am incredibly selfish and want to hold on to the award lazy I will bend the rules of the award by not list seven blogs I find brilliant because every blog on my blog list and (those that i have ever read/commented on) are brilliant. However I will tag the first person to comment on this post to write thier own 'ten sins I have committed' post.

90 comments:

bumight said...

wow FIRST!!! for the first time ever!

RocNaija said...

chei.. by the skin of my teeth..
Thanks Bumight!!
First time I'm happy you beat me to it! ;)

RocNaija said...

So did you retrieve your love for mini's as you grew older?!

LOL @ #2 & 7

You finished two pots of rice???!!

Damn!

Hilarious post though..

bumight said...

oh no! i already screamed first before reading the repercussions. lol. might get round to doing it.

porn @ age 7? damn! I must agree, u were quite a troublesome child! LOL

Tigeress said...

Bumight shldnt u be sleeping or something? u too Roc?

anyway, i'm 3rd. let me go read.

Tigeress said...

omd i cant stop laughing. Tell me u made all these things up. It is just too hilarious! I'm cracking up big time here. I feel for momsie.

Just...Toluwa said...

MDM...u know u av been nominated for most creative moniker o!

u shld visit naijabloggersaward.blogspot.com

Just...Toluwa said...

# 2 is hilarious...seems like u r a daddy's girl!

Buttercup said...

Hahahahahaha! I cant stop laughing! Gosh! Hahahahahahaha!

I thank God my parents arent strict Adventists..dunno how I'd have survived those sabbath afternoons!

Saved Girl said...

the cutest post Miss DM, your mom won't nothing but the truth, took no mess. lol.

Temite said...

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HILARITY. I know I should feel bad for you but unfortunately I dont. HAHAHAHA, I LOVE YOUR MOTHER!

BSNC said...

lol this too funny.. u electricuted urself, u ate 2 pot of jollof rice, ur uncle beard, the mini- skirt.. wow was ur mum neva tired of beating you(or in ur words walloping you)

mizchif said...

LMAO!!!
MDM u definitely r crazy, as in no be today.
Ahn ahn, pornographic letter @ age 7 ke! U sure did get into a lot of trouble. And ur mom was ready for u evry step of the way.

K said...

This is hilarious....you my child were just troublesome...I am sure its not right to laugh at the "abuse" of a child but dang you did somethings that required punishment!

Gee said...

# 2 is funny!
btw cograts on the award...u oldies on blogsville are soo fun..as in u guys dont dull wid ur posts atall!

Solomon said...

This was a hilarious post, LMAO!

LMAO You finished out the house girls bit!

trying to 'run a prostitution ring' lololololol

Grandma's treatment became accuratelty cruel (not false)

You are a slow learner aren't you?

This was very funny.

Afrobabe said...

lmao...Bumight sometimes being first doesn't pay....

I love no 7...prostitution ring indeed..lamo...

Scarlet said...

Gosh you did get up to a lot when u were growing up!!
u had me laughing so much my belly hurts

poeticallytinted said...

Did you say nothing interesting?!!!! Goodness! That was a badass childhood you had there. Your mother is something else oh. NO messing around with her. You sef. you get liver!

poeticallytinted said...

and Ha! @ bumight!

~Sirius~ said...

o-m-g........I'M SO SCARED OF YOUR MUM RIGHT NOW.......

Did you really so all those things MDM?

Writefreak said...

Ah men! You must have been a handful as child!

doll said...

I see you were one of those really "naughty" children

Congrats on ur award
LOL@ Buttercup

flabby said...

lol!! MDM- what is one going to do to u!lol

flabby said...

i realised i am not on the top commentors list! what?!i dont like to coment but i want to be on that list dammit!!

flabby said...

im struggling for that list!

flabby said...

still hustling for that list!

flabby said...

am i really going to do this?

ShonaVixen said...

LMHO!!! Gosh girl, m sure that's not even the half of it...OK o porn at 7?Dunno why but that would be more suited to Afro..lol!!
2 pots of rice...CHAMPION!!!!!!!

flabby said...

stilllll

flabby said...

oh i just realsed that people are probably getting these msgs sent to their email! how annoying!

scribble,me.free said...

2 pots of rice?? lol @ #2. you m'dear are something else...lol...all of you that JUMPED at first (bumight) *points and laughs*

Confessions of a London gal said...

Damn!
I am really loosing touch these days!
*Sighs* Lemme go read sha!

Confessions of a London gal said...

My manager just jumped off her chair now cos of the way i laughed out loud!!! And then i couldnt stop laughing more cos that was just a funny sight!

Prostitution ring? Sharing with your cousin? Miss DM!!!! You r too funny!!

I really do feel like having jollof rice now! :)

Confessions of a London gal said...

And there i was thinking i must have been a handful for my folks..

Confessions of a London gal said...

At least I waited till secondary school 2 get suspended!

Confessions of a London gal said...

And i waited till i was 14 to write the love letter that then got me suspended!

Confessions of a London gal said...

Just in case u havent noticed wat i am tryin 2 do.....

Confessions of a London gal said...

I realise i havent made ur commentators list- and i so aint having that!!!

Confessions of a London gal said...

Got to do sumt'n sumt'n about that, no?

Confessions of a London gal said...

Am i appearing now?

Confessions of a London gal said...

What about now?

Confessions of a London gal said...

Still not? *Sighs*

Confessions of a London gal said...

You do know i am doing this 4 u, right?

Confessions of a London gal said...

I dont even care about myself, its cos of you that i NEED to appear on that list!

Confessions of a London gal said...

Still not showing? Damn! I must have been bad with commenting in the past!!!

Confessions of a London gal said...

But bcos u r special, I wont give up!

Confessions of a London gal said...

Not giving up! Never ever giving up!

Confessions of a London gal said...

What about now?
Am i showing?

Confessions of a London gal said...

Lemme go check again....
*Goes to the next page*

Confessions of a London gal said...

Tsk tsk...Still no luck!

Confessions of a London gal said...

I bet the thingy is faulty!
I cudnt have been dat bad with putting up comments!

Confessions of a London gal said...

Ok, lemme live it 4 some time 2 refresh well well! You best bliv i'll b back though...

Geebee said...

O girl, you don sin o. You had me laughing my guts out once again. lol @ the electric shock thing and being ashamed of your uncle. Passing loveletters at age 7? Gurl, you had it in you right from way back no doubt. I wouldn't mind hseeing another round of 'honest sins'. I bet you got them plenty plenty. lol

Confessions of a London gal said...

Back! and Happy!!! Showing on ur Stalkers list! And u best believe I aint going off that list now i am on it! lol

Buttercup said...

LMAO @ Flabby and Confessions..i heart u guys but please dont mess with my spot! I said that very nicely! :)

NoLimit said...

lol! gal you must have been a little terror o!
This your sin CV is hilarious...I don't even want to think of all the beatings I chopped and the cause...*poor me*

Favoured Girl said...

Wow, you were one mischievious child! And your mum was ready to deal with you. LOL!

wordmerchant said...

hahahahahah...mdm!!!

lol@ number 1...so what did you draw? i bet it was a giant penis...heheheh

Funms-the rebirth said...

who are all these people that r posting numerous comments just to make ur top 10 stalkers.......ehn???????

anyway back to u this sinful mother's child, at 7? pornographic image?hhhhmmmm
@ at no 7, only u... i see u like dares and challenges so Miss Dm i dare u to.................

Mista Jaycee said...

Wow! Wouldn't want to meet your Mom when I've done bad. (smile)
Are you SDA?

Me too.
Mista Jaycee

Nefertiti said...

Sounds just like my upbringing.
LMAO @ prostitution ring. And I thot I was bad...lol

Afronuts said...

LMAO..

At first I was gonna say you have a very harsh mum..but then I realised what a brat you were then...

I guess that was the best Mum you needed right then..lol

Smaragd said...

"..No one like you.." a la P Square, and not because I am in love with u, but cuz u were a troublesome child! kilode? only u? BUT then ur mum sef try with all that walloping!

ur backside must be the envy of overtattoed peeps like Angelina Jolie'! lol

blogoratti said...

Seems the whooping never ends with you,does it? lol

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

lol...sweetie you soooooo did deserve a walloping for the prostitution ring thing sha...

Jayla. said...

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

u were a handful

flabby said...

email me- darkerberry@hotmail.com-spread the word if u see anyone wondering y i went private pls-xoxo

lulu said...

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA, your mom did wallop, lol! very interesting you, younger

NigerianDramaQueen said...

LOL!!!
Obviously you were quite a piece of work! Porn@ age 7? Your mama didn't play though! Dang, I can't imagine sleeping outside during a hailstorm...
Men your mum was definately no-nonsense.
Funny post!!!

JustDB said...

WOW -- Quite some mum it seems..... Apparently she did a great job...

Tigeress said...

Hey! you’ve been given an Honest Scrap award in my blog The art of kissing and Honest Scrap Meme. Don’t ask me what the award is but check it out.

Aphrodite said...

LOL...
Surely, ur mum does not suffer fools gladly.

Missed ur blog plenty babes.

Tinu said...

hahahahahahaha!!!
gosh i was going to post all the punisments my mother has given to me!!!oh well
great post by the way!

naijagirl said...

lol @ your mother's reasoning for the trashing

nice piece

princesa said...

LMAO!!!

Naija mums!

Ur mum reminds me of mine, I swear!

I hope u still got some arse left from all that walloping o!

:)

aloted said...

wow MDM u have chopped serious walloping in your life time! shu!!!!

Parakeet said...

Hahaha...so u discriminate against people on the basis of pimples. You need serious walloping then.

As for sharing a man, ehm...am a green eyed monster. It cant happen.

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

You seem to always get walloped by your mother, this post is really funny...

~Sirius~ said...

Been away for too long don't you think?......

ManCee said...

our mum,
Shes the real deal
lol

I guess sometimes God matches we errant kids with momma up to the task.

Then we pray our kids-when we have them- NEVER be as errant as we were...

Then we wonder what our parents were upto during their time...aybe thats where the cycle started...

lol

Give ur mum a hug for me men, she's good.

Penelope said...

lmfao!!
omg what a mother...i would have said shes a lot more like mine but ur's is quite intense!..and i loves it still!!

okay...so wats shambock?

and its my first time here!! :-)
nice blog..i luvd it!!

Buttercup said...

i miss u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Sorry for not replying to all the comments on this post, was in hospital for eight days only came out yesterday. Tigeress thanks for checking up on me, I missed reading all your blogs and will catch up with all your mischief asap

xoxo Miss DM

aloted said...

sorry to hear you were in the hosp. i hope all is well...

pls take care of u x

rethots said...

....hmmm, now you've got me in, not sure which i prefer; your mama's wallop or the way your mind 'runs'.

Anonymous said...

abeg your Ma was a bit harsh o!i thot that some of the issues she beat your for were stuff she should have discussed with you...My Ma too dealt with me big time.i got lots of beating growing up and still have the many scars to show for it!

Mimi said...

First time I been to your spot...thoroughly enjoyed it. I shall be back :)

Ubah Chetachukwu said...

Mother's are usually the strictest becuse they love you the most