'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Notches on my Bedpost

Not that I have a chastity belt tied round my waist but surely in this highly sexuliased world we living in the fact that I can still count the number of men who have tasted my kitty Kat on one hand should surely count for something? Was tallying up my notches this afternoon, with Yours Truly shown the exit door.....well not really we all know how that horse bolted, didn't have the courtesy to use the door smashed right through my window leaving broken glass everywhere......well the window in my heart that is, smashed it into pieces and stamped on it as well, but hey whose complaining I'm happy remember!!!! Anyway with Yours Truly gone I'm petrified that a couple of replacements or rather rebound relationships later will propel me firmly into the 'I need two hands to count my notches club' Not that there is anything wrong with having a fair amount of notches on your post. hell in this day and age of sexual liberation why not? But I have always been the conservative type, the type that finishes undressing in bed, the type that would rather make love in the dark, yes the I'm having great sex but I don't want to talk about it type so you can understand why I'm a bit frantic about moving into the two hands notches clubs. So it was a gloomy and worried Definitely Maybe revisiting her options this afternoon torn between becoming celibate and abstaining, not that I have a choice, its not as if the Brad Pitts of this world are breaking down my Kitty Kat door trying to enter. Why is it its the quantity of sexual partners that matters not the quantity or the quality of the encounters? Does someone who has had ten one night stand stand in the same boat as someone who has had ten sexual partners? How many notches are just about right notches is it 5 10 20 or 100? Why is it men were handed a better bargain when it came to bedpost rules because for men the more the notches the higher you rank in esteem but for women start creeping past your second hand into using your toes too and you are labelled by vocabulary which is strictly not for the ears of u18's. Come to think of it I know quite a few women who when it comes to bedpost notches can only count up to five. take my friend Rubber Duck (you get the drift) was on notch number 5 when we last compared notes but one year and 33 one night stands later she still insists she is still on notch number 5. Ridiculous yes but such is societies narrow minded and intolerant view of women's sexuality that we are forced to be creative when tallying up our notches, so if ever another relationship should ever crop up on the horizon it will still be an anxious Definitely Maybe hoping fervently that the fact that she can still count her notches on one hand will count for something.


Anonymous said...

Hmmm, unfair it seems (for 'em ladies) but, i dare ask; who cares? Is it him who eventually find in you the love he always so dreamt? If not, their (respective) tents (oh israel).

"I have always been the conservative...." trying to picture you as the quiet reserved person.