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MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Monday, September 01, 2008

ThE JoKeR ...........

The Circus
He ran the circus.
The Joker, he should have won an Oscar,
His performance was immaculate,
spectacular, unbelievable,
so out of this world
He deserved a hollywood star
A performer, a comedian, a Joker...
It was one of those jokes
Subtle,
The witty kind
Complicated humour,
The type that nearly crossed the line between sarcasm and cruel humour.
They laughed,
the Audience, the spectators, the crowd
They all laughed.
Big belly fulls of laughter,
some snickered, some hooted, some danced with glee
But mainly everyone laughed, at the spectacle in the circus ring,
except me.
I was oblivious, I did not get it.
I'm normally the witty, comic type, but this time the joke was lost on me.
But everyone else got it and so they laughed
They laughed and they hooted the whole show through.
It was a freak show, they laughed at the helpless clown all tied up in knots it couldn't loosen.
The joker, damn he was good at his act, for they all got the punchline,
yet I didn't, I failed to grasp it.
Months later
when the circus had left the town, when the freak show was over
long after
when the laughter had all but died down, when the snickers had faded and the Joker's show was nothing but a 'hit' from the past, a distant memory
It sudenely dawned on me
I got it,
The joke
I understood it,
after all this time I finally got the punchline.
For it was simple
I could see the circus ring more clearly
Name the cast and get the joke,
But,
whilst they had laughed,
The audience
the spectators
the observers at the circus ring
whilst they had giggled, and snickered, big belly fulls of laughter
As they watched the joke unfold
I didn't
When I got the joke months later
I never laughed.
I cried
and I sobbed
Big belly full guttural cries
For I knew now what I had failed to see back then in the circus ring
Our life together, a circus
He was the joker
I was the clown
I realised now what I had been too blind to grasp then
that for all that time and all that while
From the very first Act to the final curtain close
The joke was me..............the joke had been on me.

16 comments:

Lady Koko said...

OH MA GOSSH!!!!!!! I LURRRRRRVED IT!!!!!!!! I WUDNT HAVE GUESSED FROM THE TITLE THAT IT WUD HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH RELATIONSHIPS!
P.S:XOXO

doll said...

you write well. i luv dis

Shubby Doo said...

Miss DM - well written...

pls never let anybody make you 'think' you are a joke even if you are the butt of their joke!

Laugh with them...even if they try and laugh at you...laugh because after pain of knowing that you are the source of the gag you will learn how not to be the source of their comedy...you will heal, grow & move on while they stay in the same circus...dearie, the joke is on them...the joke is on him

Aphrodite said...

Huh...
*sighs*

Am happy the show is over.

Sheer Almshouse said...

My dear, thanks for your comments on my blog. I am sharing with you my favourite poem, written by Jamaican poet, Lorna Goodison. It is about love and disappointment and the reality of womanhood. I posted it on my blog some time ago. Here is the link. One Love. http://sheeralmshouse.blogspot.com/2007/02/for-my-mother-may-i-inherit-half-her.html

geisha.song. said...

that is a painful reality to come to terms with.
i swear at first i thut you were talking about the Dark Knight!

it was very well written.. i hope you've been able to move past the pain.

NikkiSab said...

very very very well written ma'am.

i cldnt comment on ur oda blog for ur wedding aug 2009. Goodluck as u plan.

Buttercup said...

the tables always turn, u know..u'll one day become the joker..im not necessarily talkin bout revenge n what not, but u'll be able to look back n laugh..

mona said...

wow!!! loved this. i really felt it. its horrible to be everybodys joke, and not even get it. he'll get his!

Vera Ezimora said...

He'll definitely get his chance to be the butt of someone else's joke.

Chari said...

nice one...I am very impressed, a very marvelous ending...I like the way u serenaded us till the very last letter....

o yea and I pray o rcok falls on the dude that's the joker..

Afrobabe said...

I am still screaming of laughter from ur last comment on my blog...please tell me ur black ass gave him a black eye!!!

Afrobabe said...

OMG….well sometimes its good to just cry love…and guess what? We learn from our mistakes…we dust ourselves and put on our new dress and shoes…we go partying…with time…sometimes a little time, at others a longer while we heal…the end is always the same…we heal and we move on and we love again…

Temite said...

Wow, that was really good.
I like the buildup and then the cold reality at the end.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Lady Koko, thanks for stopping by,
all I was trying to say is love is blind, its only when its over that the penny drops

Doll, Thanks for the compliment

Shubby, wise words as always, sometimes you only realise how things truly were when its over. Its like a friend of mine whose man used to have a second job at the weekend working night shifts. when they split up (as a result of his cheating) it was the girl who he had been cheating with who informed her that actually he didnt have a second job but spent all his weekends with her. She felt (my friend) like such a fool coz all along everybody else had known but never told her. its situations like this that make you feel as if all along you were in a circus ring but u neva realised it.

aphrodite, even the best/ worst of shows have a curtain close.

sheeralmshouse, thanks for the link,loved the poem actually read it on your blog more than a few weeks back

geisha song thanks, its more like 'hitting yourself on the head with a shambock' thinking why the hell did i not see/realise it/ a long time ago....rather than an acute pain. no body likes being made a fool of, or be the butt of anyones jokes, but even the best of jokes will soon be forgotten or replaced with an even better joke.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

nikkisab thanks, dont mind the other blog its all in the name of 'what ifs'

buttercup, true that, whats that saying again.....those who laugh last laugh best....not that i would ever intentionally crack a joke at someone elses expense.

mona, love is well and truly blind....but sometimes i blame our close/best friends they should always be our eyes and ears at all times not chose to reveal all when its over...comments like 'oh i knew but didnt want to tell u in case you got hurt' make me see red.

vera ezimora, even i dont wish that on him. Its not a nice feeling at all.....