'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Break Up Etiquette......................

Its a tough one. Some break up and call each other names, sell stories to the tabloids, leak ex rated DVD 's on the Internet, smash each others cars, report each others misdemeanours, badmouth each other, spread rumors, revenge, go on Oprah, Jerry Springer or Trisha, for different relationships call for different kinds of break up Etiquette. I've never had to think about my BU Etiquette before, not that my previous relationships (note the plural) did not end acrimoniously, they did, but YT was my first 'celebrity coupling.' Okay he was not quite of the Brad Pitt fame, nor as infamous as Michael Jackson, he was not even as popular as my local MP, or the always inappropriately dressed Thornton's saleswoman...and then she wonders why in Newcastle there is a sudden influx of 24-60 year old males lining up for her vanilla scoops (yeah they definitely want to taste her vanilla alright!!), his was a different kind of fame. Me and YT shared the same interests, belonged to the same clubs, knew the same people, belonged to the same social networking sites. Where he blogged, I blogged, where he danced I danced, where he ate, I ate, in short our worlds were woven together, inter twinned just like one giant tapestry in the sky. Those who knew YT knew DM was his, those who knew DM knew YT was hers, it was a fact and not an opinion just like the fact that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. It was no surprise then, that the break up with YT was vastly littered with complications. What should the previously 'in a relationship' status feed on face book now read? should that joint blog that featured our escapades as a couple now come down? what do we tell each of our friends, more importantly what do we tell DM's friends that are also YT's friends? Do we bin all our photos as a couple? Do we trash that dvd we made in the throngs of passion?. What about my strictly no under 21's x rated photos i sent YT? The emails, the letters, the poems, the love notes? What about the online communities we once joined together? What goes and what stays? Who gives and who gets? Not that any of it was sorted out verbally, far from it. I woke up one morning Sleepless in Seattle and decided to 'clean out my closet' so out went the joint blog, the DVD, the nude photos, the poems, the letters, the love notes.......... for they never meant a thing to him..........I never meant a thing to him......twas jus whiling up time whilst he waited........ for something better.....perhaps somewhat skinner. The photos I kept, not that I'm in denial but jus for the memories, and as a personal remainder to thine self of a 101 reasons why love doesnt pay or better still maybe as potential future ammunition lol. Facebook was updated, I left a blank where 'in a relationship with YT' had been on the relationship status feed. 2mins later YT had also updated his face book profile...guess he had been waiting for me to do it first (his knows his manners that boy.....always ladies first)... but where mine had a blank, YT's stated single and interested in women. (he aint wasting no time...but then again why should he?).I decided to remove YT as my face book friend, I decided to take a rest from the ecommunities we had both frequented, it had just become to crowded for the both of us there...what with him getting his grove back on and me just trying to heal, I knew that something just had to give, and that something was me, not that I'm weak, I'm strong but not strong enough to watch a man I once loved, trying to warm some other chicks bed two seconds after jumping outta mine, so I gave him room to breathe which gave me room to heal. Its complicated this BU Etiquette business, do you say the real reason you broke up, especially if you the injured party? Do you give the whole low down on how they cheated, how they beat you up, how they lied? or do you have a celebrity exit full of 'no comments' or do you become the bigger person and just say 'no one was toblame it just fizzled out? Since facebook update and my disappearance from the ecomms, I have had numerous emails ranging from the concerned, to the spiteful, the nosy and the thoughtful, "what happened?" "who cheated?" "his a jerk" "I told you so." I've thought about being honest, telling the truth, laying the cards on the table........but I cant, all I do is send a polite "how are you, thanks for asking, DM and YT are both fine, doing okay, still in love,just got too much on our plates,right now, we need a that's what I call good break up etiquette.


ShonaVixen said...

LOL@ the pic!!Lemme go and read the post now

OluwaDee said...

"I gave him room to breathe which gave me room to heal."

U did good.
U r not weak oh, as a matter of fact that what strong women do.

Exist in silence n do not reply d multitude.
Hold ur head up n keep walking.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

@Olu you are right there is dignity in silence.
Shona the pic sums up how awkward it is to break up with someone who is very much a part of your other everyday life, your colleague, someone from church, etc etc thats why people are always advised to date someone from a different circle

Bombchell said...

pssh that's what i call a very polite breakup etiquette, and will save face, and proper.

well ive never really officially done the whole break up thing, except maybe once. but i believe being honest on why you are breaking up, makes it easier for both parties to move on. let all the anger out, leave like a crazy bitch, aint no need saving face no more.

i always imagined if i broke up with a guy, I'd take him to Lunch, end it, and pay =)

tapes, pictures?? lol gurl u crazy.,