No more Drama

Okay I wasn't going to post until next week, but i just had to. First things first, YT hacked into my hotmail, discovered my blog (which I didn't want him to do coz this blog was .... is my personal space...where I could just let it all out and just heal), he read everything well he hadn't read the Four paged Letter but when I discovered he had read everything else I realised he might as well know how i felt so I read it out aloud to him on the phone. I feel violated, firstly coz he pried into my hotmail account but most importantly he violated my private space..my blog (I know it is not private coz any one can come across it on the net and all but I did not want him to read at this time. With time, when I could read this blog and laugh about being young and foolish I would have sent him a link, but i haven't lived long enough yet.

When he told me that he had accessed my emails I was devastated, I thought this guy really wants to hurt me......he will not stop until i am a crumpled mess on the floor...why cant he let me be...give me enough room to breathe? I told him how I felt about what he had done....read him the four paged letter, He said sorry but thats like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted. Besides he is only saying that because there is nothing else to say...he cant exactly go yes I wanted to hurt you now can he?

Funny enough even though I'm supposed to be mad at him for invading and violating my space, I'm not. I feel really free now, that I have said my bit. Now he knows how I felt even if he might not care he knows.....and for me that's enough. I thought about deleting this blog when he said he 'knew about it' and was reading it...then I thought no, this is my space, no body is going to take it away from me, Im tired of running, always be the one 'to give people space, always be the one to run, but this time I'm staying put, I enjoy writing, blogsville is a fantastic community helping me re discover myself and I'm not going to stop for him, he never 'stopped' for me. Im still going to write what I feel and how I feel, if he wants to read it or interpret it whichever way thats his choice.

I have now finally got closure. No more drama. Im not saying there wont be times when I dont feel so good, but im saying im no longer caught in a time warp coz he now knows. I feel like I can finally close the door. I no longer have questions that need answers, I now have answers. I no longer have doubts about the woman I am....I am a whole woman just that YT was not strong enough to embrace/handle the woman that I am and thats a weakness on his part not mine. YT is no longer the guy who is making me hurt inside, he is now just a link in a chain of x boyfriends........and if we ever happen to meet YT (you and me together) I know I can and will be able to confidently say 'Look thats my x boyfriend' and not 'Look that's the man who hurt me.'

"We both have different lives now
We've gone our separate ways
and although we are both contented
we had some happy days
although those days are over
just something in the past
those happy days gave me memories
that cant just help but last
they'll always bring me happiness
now and my whole life through
It was a special and lively chapter in my life
those days I spent with you.'

ps thanks blogs-ville for your support when I felt like ranting and raving but now that chapter is over and done with I probably will have nothing to blog about lol