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MY MOTHER'S CHILD

'I live in a space inside my head,a cluttered space crammed with random thoughts about life, love and the struggle of being a 27yr old african woman trying to 'find' herself but losing her self in the process.I always vowed when I was growing up that I would do things differently from my mother. As the years have gone by I find myself modelling my life on the woman I thought I wasn't strong enough to become,'(If you ever have the chance to meet my mother even once, to be given the chance to be half the woman my mother is, you will know that you have been truly blessed) Finally I have had to embrace the fact, that I'm nothing but My Mother's Child....

Saturday, August 16, 2008

He's walked in my shoes.................

I have just locked the door its confirmed, his sleeping in his car outside my house. I don't know who is more bewildered, me for pulling it off or him for actually realising that I pulled it off!!!!! He probably thought i was joking, hell even I didn't quite believe I would see it through, but I did, and he is sleeping in his two seater Mercedes Benz, frozen solid, I was not gracious enough to loan him a blanket, neither was he humble enough to beg for one, bet he isn't 'flexing' in it now (his merc) like he ususally does, picking up women at every second bus stop. Bet his thumping through his little black book, wondering who is available to give him a roof over his head just for one night, but at 300miles from his nearest bedpost notch.....its more than confirmed his sleeping in his car tonight....less than 3yards from my 3bed house with two empty bedrooms. I have not been completely unkind, 3 sharp raps on my door, will ensure that at least he has access to the bathroom facilities, well that is if I hear him, well actually if i choose to hear him.

He knew, I told him again and again 'there's no room at this inn'guess he thought I was kidding. I was nice enough to him this whole afternoon, let him watch the olympics, eat my fruits and drink my tea, the sign outside read clearly 'you can eat and you can drink, we can laugh and you can play BUT when night time comes please note there is no room at this inn' yet he chose to ignore it and now his sleeping in his car tonight.

Tonight he sleeps in a cold lonely place, only the clothes on his back his companion, nearly 4yrs to this date I too slept with a cold lonely heart my companion. Today he wonders how could she? 4yrs to this date I too wondered how could he? He wonders whether I'm joking, I wondered whether I was dreaming. He locked me out of his heart, I just locked him out of my house. How the tables have turned, well not quite....coz whilst I walked, head held high and never looked back, his still outside, hopeless, clueless and in despair and wondering where the hell it went wrong...as if it ever were right. I've never been one to kick a man whilst his down, but I've never been known to help lift up a man who was down either. What made me walk neary 4yrs ago, is keeping him from walking 4yrs down the line...don't know if it has sank in just yet, that he is actually sleeping in his car tonight.

Him whose name we do not speak, ti's he whose sleeping in his car tonight. How he came to be here, why I locked him out rather than in.....well that's a post for another day, but blogsville please note that tonight....... even if its just for a night, He Whose Name We Do Not Speak has walked or rather...... tonight He Whose Name We Do Not Speak will indeed sleep....rather than walk, in my shoes, the very same shoes which I once wore, nearly 4yrs to this date...............

19 comments:

geisha-sung said...

long as it makes u feel better
and not as low as u think he shoulda felt all those years ago...

Charie said...

Touching...


wetin this guy do?

Bombchell said...

wow interesting.

1st time on your blog

I burst out laughing at sleeping in his 2 seater benz. well I guess he's expecting you to cave in soon.

hmm 4yrs, interesting. so care to eleaborate! =)

Ms Sula said...

For a moment, I actually thought it was fiction...

Sometimes, we have to do what we got to do.

Shubby Doo said...

"'please note there is no room at this inn' yet he chose to ignore it and now his sleeping in his car tonight."

Miss DM you are too much...well done dearie...not sure i could actually go thru with it but happy that you did!!!

Ok how how do you feel about it?...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

geisha-song, I felt sorry for him but the door stayed locked.

charie, he had no business trying to touch me again in the first instance (pun intended)

bombshell, thanks for stopping by, yes he did crash in his 2 seater merc with heated leater seats lol
and yes four years since 'he whose name we do not speak' committed crimes against humanity towards Mis DM

Miss Sula if only it were fiction perhaps i could have rewritten the story so that we would never have met that fateful day 4yrs ago, him in his then 4 seater droptop and me a fresh faced 'yet to live' idiot.lol

Shubby, he needed to be taught a lesson.But I wont hold my breath, he learnt nothing, first thing he said when i opened the door was 'baby it would have been so romantic if we had camped in the merc together' treat them mean to keep them k.......the fool was even asking to come back in two weeks.

Funms said...

im sure him whos name we do not speak did something to deserve it. i hope to get the guts to serve a guy such dish if deserved......
pls do explain his misdeed....
im definitely coming back here!

Bombchell said...

lol well i guess he had it coming. lol

Afrobabe said...

Correct babe… men seem to think they have sole ownership of a hardened heart…they don’t seem to know once our hearts have grown cold we would rather the fire be started again by another!!!

Aphrodite said...

You know babes, i almost felt the elation you felt while writing this post.

Now am sure he knows just how much it hurts.

I hope u feel better.

Shubby Doo said...

yuck i couldn't abide making out in the car as a teenager let alone now...

he asked to come back in 2 two weeks *sigh*...sweetie pls tell him to keep moving on...it's been 4 yrs already

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

funms, if people always got what they deserved, I shudder to think what would have become of him, probably a cross between Friday the 13th and nightmare on elm street

bombchell, the most amazing thing was he could see it coming yet he chose to accelerate towards the trouble....what foolishness.

afrobabe, you are right men seem to think they have a monopoly on breaking hearts....if only they knew what they owned was just a franchise......

Shubby, your teenage years were vastly different from mine, the only definition of making out I knew back them was as used in this sentence 'why are you making out as if im the guility party?'
I think (according to Joe Thomas) making out n the backseat of a jeep is supposed to be high up in the list of must do sexual expierences................

Buttercup said...

i also thought it was fiction...but then again it sounded like words comin from someone who has experienced what they r writin about..

i like how u stuck to ur resolve..

im lovin this blog already!

Mz. Dee said...

gurl welldone!!!!


itz ure kinda personality i lyk to roll with!

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Buttercup if only all tales of broken hearts and infidelities were fiction, a lot of women would be in a much happier place within themselves.

Miz Dee, we all have it within us, if we look deep enough. Its not about being 'strong or independent' (although im both lol)You just wake up one day and say 'enuf of this shyt, I aint taking this lying down any more.'....and trust me that very same night somebody somewhere will sleep in his two seater/four seater whateva.

Omo calabar. said...

Na wa o. Damn gal after reading this, I wouldnt wanna mess with u. All I can say is Damn.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

omo calabar Im as soft as mushy peas but I have limits, and when that line is crossed I became cold as ice.

doll said...

wow. u write well

rethots said...

Beautiful....
"...whilst I walked, head held high and never looked back..."
...beyond comprehension.

Oh! that we would realise that the world is round.